ADDRESSING THE ACCUSED

You made me unloveable
No one desires me
Except to take the treasures
Hidden...only they can see

There is evil in my fibers
Good men pillage my soul
Taking pieces of flesh
Demanding me to be whole

Am I not human like them
I deserve the good without restraint
Why then must I beg for food
And offer up what I ain't

Many get a stage
To parade the excellence of self
But me, I'm the work of art
Collecting dust on the corner shelf

Oh, then, there's the boo boos and ouchies
That got alcohol instead of care
Too many streams off the river
Drain cure to impair

Abundance, you say I'm rich
Then why were the cupboards bare
Plenty of people to see 
And more than willing to declare,

              "Jesus Loves You"

You want truth, really
Then lets get down to the skin of the soul
You know...oh you know.....drop the pin
And hear the ringing in the hole

Even if they could truly reach
The treasure deep within
They would never understand
Because the out is in

Out of sight is out of mind
So I go, like the blowing of wind
Easily forgotten
My enemies are my friends

Day in and day out, I cry
Hear my voice if you will
Silence, that ever deafening silence
Vibrates me to be...still

Still, I do not know you
Ideas, that's all they come to be
Paradigm shifts and perspectives
Change position, but not me

I'm still here, waiting
Betrayed again, duped by my love
Who shall I reach to
The depths of hell, are now, my above

Where shall my anchor be
If you can not lay hold of my cord
How shall Love find a voice
If the Word is not my lord

The abyss calls me, shall I go in
The former light forgets all
My heart hears your voice
But strides away from the call

Forgive me, I was never the one
Failure deepens to the pit
Bam! Just as David said
In the deepest hell, is where you sit.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 01-30-2016

I have been to all these places in my heart. I have dared to duke it out with my Love. The walk has convinced me that I am secure in my Love...He is perfect ;)



  

FINDING MY NEED;LIVING WITH PASSION

Outreach Programs (google)

     My, how the system has changed and not changed in 20 years. Back in the 90's, unemployment rate was low, housing was good, economy good, so it was easy to deduce and believe that the only ones who were "homeless" were those who wanted to be. It is sad that we had to be told, in CORE training, that it is not abusive to lack utilities. In AR, loads of people love to have a trailer, a cabin, a shack, etc, by the river, and live off the land. Unfortunately, progress always changes the demographics of territory.
     My oldest and I were talking about bartering vs democracy. The problem with both, is existing with people who have the goods...and want to siphon personal power from the needy. That's in both systems. To believe that the need for power could be eliminated is to be foolish, that is, until the Kingdom comes. I am disgusted with how I acted at D.H.S.; however, not until recently. I have blathered on and on about how I am a "Family Preservationist," but recent evidence, shows me that I was not that person. I remember a family member who struggled so long and hard with mental illness and me telling her that if she didn't get her crap together, I would do what was necessary to ensure the safety of her child. Horrific! Absolutely void of compassion, understanding, love. I can't even tell you what she needed, because sound judgement seemed far more beneficial to me, than a teaspoon of concern.

Single Mom (google)

    In my marital hometown, a homeless shelter arose that offered hot meals, a shower, and a lift up, to anyone who wanted to get off the streets. There were few within the county, and very sparse. In AR, we have kept our heads in the sand for far too long, but thank God for people who have come here, with clear vision. The face of AR has changed, in that we are waking up to see the great need in our state. Unfortunately, wrong beliefs still prevail. I was told in the 90's that the majority of homeless were veterans suffering from PTSD and that they prefer to live on the streets without constraints of the system. Hmmm...I suppose that worked for the time being, but it definitely doesn't work now.
     Finally, America is acknowledging that trauma in the past is the norm for the majority and equipping the weak is a far better solution for the mentally ill, homeless, unemployed, etc...but where is the HELP! I do not believe that people want to be on public assistance, it's just that they have had to deal with inefficiency of the system for so long, that they know, "No one wants to walk along side me and be a companion. They feel better when they throw money, goods, services at me...so I get out of the way, and I look good on their flowchart." I hate Benevolent B.M.'s. They are not love and they will never count as concern.
     Up until today, I thought that compassion filled my heart. More than a month ago, I was promised a job. It has been very difficult getting all the required documents for the job. Yesterday, I called to see if my background checks were in and I got, "We are not hiring. I have no place for you." Believe it or not, I wasn't surprised, just disappointed. The Holy Spirit had instructed me that I was to take the first job opportunity. After I did, He said I would not be going to work there. After I bellyached for a bit, the Holy Spirit asked me, "Do you want to know why?" I have learned to curtail my curiosity, but on this one, I wanted to know. He answered, "Sometimes, Trudy, you just need to be reassured that you hear my voice, you heard it correctly, and I don't lie." Yeah, I giggled. Here's why I didn't get the job...no car. Even though I had the promise of a friend to take me to work, even when he didn't have to, the faith required to hire someone without a car, not good business.

Awesome Movie (google)

     Look at the woman with her child in the above picture. We expect it as the norm, in 3rd world countries, but here, we choose to not see, to feel entitled rather than compassion. I am certain I will get judgement from those who think I am not being a sufficient mother for my boys. According to the law of "Good Mothering," I have a degree, not disabled, have skills to do any job dealing with people, and well, no excuse for being a loser. I agreed to be misunderstood. Compassion for the suffering is far more essential to my living with passion than obtaining "a job" that will make people feel better around me.
      You see, the Kingdom of Love comes, when we as people, lay down our judgments and pick up the compassion of the Cross. Rather than just getting through the day, meeting the requirements we have put on ourselves, why not start every day with a prayer, "Help me to see, then to be, Jesus, to every person with whom I come in contact?" I don't need a car. I need a ride. I have always known I needed Jesus since I saw Him at the end of my mother's bed at 18 months, but I have never known or acknowledged my need for people. People only fail and Jesus never fails, kinda seems stupid to need people. I've learned so much about compassion, but the one thing I have learned in depth is my need for my brothers and sisters, friends, strangers, and opportunities.
      The most vulnerable in our society, is the mentally ill, the addicted, the ones struggling with debilitating physical conditions and fears that make it impossible to work a "regular" job. No one wants to "be a loser." Loserville could be a car ride away, a counseling session away, a prayer away, a bath away, a set of new clothes away. If we are to be His body, then we must use all of our resources together in order to help the need.
      It's funny how misunderstanding and the pushing away of the "needy" has lead good men and women to do the most abhorrent  acts of terror to the frail and vulnerable. The above movie really opened my eyes to the tragedy of progress in the name of "Mental Health Profession." If you get a chance, watch it on Netflix. Electric Shock Treatment....insanity used on the needy, up until recently. If I hadn't said it before, I need you, and I need compassion more than I need a job, a car, a good credit score, etc. When Jesus looks at me, He sees me. Thank God!

REVELATION ROAD

I've traveled many paths
Dawdled on long and winding roads
Many lessons I've learned
Carrying heavy, obscure loads

Friends have joined me
Every now and again
Sharing stories of our journey
Of what is to come and where we've been

Alone is never easy
For the one who desires a friend
But alone is far worse
When difference hardens the bend

There are wrongs...that won't get right
Impossible, when the offender won't fight

            .................loss

                                 over

                                     fear..............

Shhhhh!

Can you hear?

            Jesus is....near.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 1-22-2016