NOT MY NAME

 Liar, cheat

Manipulator

Plodding feet

....that's not my name

Vengeful, sly

Rude, unkind

Sending lightening from an evil sky

.....that's NOT my name

Raging, bold

Weaving self

In stories of old

.....that's not my name

Withholding good

Doling out pain

Requiring "should"

.....that's NOT!!!....my name!

I am patient, kind

Longsuffering

Healing the blind

Breaking the bind

Claiming all that is mine

I am human and divine

I am pure first

I am peace at  last

I am all you need

LOVE has no lack

Give all you are to me

As I pour out, on you, the beauty I see

I am NOT who blind men declare

I Am...IS...and will clear the air

with a Trumpet blasts............I AM........I AM........I AM

The Kingdom of LOVE

Written by Trudy Schrader on 12/25/220

PLAN B

 There are rules, one must follow

For any event, to maintain decorum

Religion and Politics are forbidden

No matter the event, venue or forum

You may, however, invite a representative

One in the know, but no passion allowed

No one mousy, and withdrawn

But one who loves to be seen, mingling in the crowd

Be sure to bring to the table, identity

People can relate with "named,"  special, folk

Never bring a whitewashed fool

Or someone whose fallen from grace into the butt of a joke

When the rubber meets the road, reaction is action

No slamming on the brakes! Just ease into the take

Avoid those who are at the extremes

Too little, too much, the middle is always safe

You can bring them to a boil, slow and easy

Their breath will slip away, into the grave

.....we need bodies....not PEOPLE!!!!

Life events, without connection, discernment

Bodies moving to the music on the dance floor

If the disc, cd, computer program fails, no problem

There's the record, always playing at the back door

Habits, called religion, politics, safety, security

Keep logic from making a run to sanity's red alert

Even when all the events have been experienced

And the last card played, the loins are girt

..................about with...............................truth

We are going to our last destination

With ticket in hand, to the pearly gates

And when the roll is called up yonder

Plan "B"ers will finally see GOD don't play

.......................by man's rules

Written by Trudy Schrader on 12/03/2020

FORBIDDEN FRUIT

 I hunger for truth

Yearn for upright living

But I didn't make a sound

At what "The Giving Tree" was giving

I took that fruit and ran

Demanding what was rightfully mine

I cared nothing for pomp and circumstance

In the presence of the Divine

Other countries grew mysteries

Unbelievable tales of idols and worship

But civilized humanity grew

A "BOMB" that cast off the antiquated War Ship

From that moment, forward

When no lightening bolt came from Heaven

Our harlot nation

Kneaded and rolled ALLLL available leaven

We are vomiting our rolls

At the pearly gates of doctrine and belief

Demanding God to send His angels

For our healing and relief

The flood gates of Heaven...open

And water is pouring forth to cleanse

Purity's Fire is coming

To restore man's "Holy" lens

Just as Our Savior had to wait

For the emptiness of fleshly desire

So our corruption must be full

Before we experience the purifying fire

I have heard the screams of man

In the realm unseen...horrible to hear

But as LOVE humbles our PRide

Humanity will come to REVERE

..............The King of King and Lord of Lords.................as Godly FEAR, chasing mercy

Order Restored...........but, forever changed

Written by Trudy Schrader on 11/26/2020

Note: There is a reason for everything I say, and do in this poem. I want it to wonky to the professional, stupid to those who want to be entertained, but a warning for those who care about LOVE's story.

MY CHILDREN

I held you in my blood

Long before my womb was home

I endured the sentence of "barren"

Among blessed mothers...alone

When proof was in place

I rejoiced with those who jeered

Finally, when you arrived

I endured entitled cheers

As you grew into self

And I surrounded you in loving ground

I endured advice givers

Admonishing me to be a "saner" sound

When you came through trials

Adults have failed to clear

I endured judgment

Formed from their deepest fears

............of faliure

When we rose up out of darkness

To live in a daunting day

Relationships were renewed and strained

As we endured the circumstances trying to play

.........outiside of boundaries

Separation, desperation

I decided NOT to cry

No matter what I endured

I refused to ask the "unanswerable" WHY!!!

You came back to me

Of your own accord

I rejoiced and settled in

To providing the "Poor" I could afford

I poured forth love

Never asking a thing in return

Knowing compassion would train

What could never be earned

Now....you are gone

Making a life you want to live

I, as a person, am not in it

But I am in everything you give

So, if you give your life to another

And I am, and will always be, just your mother

I can rest in knowing 

Love is alive and forever growing

....in you...

Written by Trudy Schrader on 10-25-2020

WALKING STONES

 First came the gods of old

Who made man their ants

"They can walk our stones

To bind power to this land"

Then came the violence of men

And the right to rule for kings

"Upon the backs of servants

Our stones will bring

......honor"

Then came a god

Who wrote on the stone

Commandments claiming

He alone

..............................is G...O...D

War after war

Battle after Battle

Back and forth with spirit and nature

Mystery remains

Man explores

Meaning of the word "nomenclature"

The more knowledge is gained

Ignorance abounds

Lack of awe

Is the assurance, Wisdom will NOT be found

For those who seek a name

On the walls of womb

Not devised by creation

The ONE to whom 

Word and Deed belong

Forgave without hesitation

But forgiveness doesn't negate responsibility!!!

When the stones walked to Throne

The crown was laid to the ground

He took up suffering on a cross

And laid His life down

All manner of right to rule

On His created land

Was forfeited when LOVE

Brought Wisdom to clothe His naked man

Hearts of stone

Have been turned in to flesh

The Spirit of God

Has brought the soul to rest

So in the end

The sorting is easy as pie

Those who have names on stones

Are above those they left to die

~A Legacy of Pride~

Written by Trudy Schrader on 10/09/2020

Note: I have my reasons, and they are many. God knows them, and I left the justice with Him.

REVEALING GLORY

 Like an archeologist

Mining for truth

I have been guided

Since my youth

...to this

Layers of earth

Pulled back to see

How His LOVE
Is being revealed

.............in ME!?!

I share with glee

Happy for others to find

That TRUTH is there

Without permit to mine

...sacred land

Frustrations of knowing

Feet lie upon treasure

Stomping, Plodding

Caking ground of gold

.........with killing pleasure!!!

Oh, the blood shed

Upon the walls of womb

Words of hope

Have built LOVE's tomb

...and walked away

My guide says a life was given

Upon blackened land

The sacrifice made

Has given WISDOM

.....to hearts that want to understand

.........................................................LOVE'S GLORY.................................

Written by Trudy Schrader on 9/19/2020 as we enter the Revelation of His Glory :)

ONE WORD

 It was after a lengthy trial

When my thoughts were a murky vial

...of complaints

I have things to say

And you haven't given me...a stage

A place where I can lay out skill

With words that tantalize...engage...

fear, anger, uncertainty, and 

...........................lack

No, I can say, I'm glad

You never allowed me an audience

........to accuse, abuse, misuse........voice

Who am I kidding

I can't change evil, the world

Even if I am truly

Daddy God's little girl

....I'm still, just, ME

I really wanted to SAY

......something

I don't know

Earth moving, life changing, world altering

but WHAT????

You, Creator of Heaven and Earth

Have given me ONE WORD

So powerful, it will bring down kingdoms

When the vibrations are heard

................that set fire to wayward hearts

Boooop!

JESUS......my WORD

My only WORD

JESUS, name above all names

.........every knee shall bow

........................every tongue shall confess

JESUS CHRIST IS LORD!

Written by Trudy Schrader on 09/13/2020

LEND ME YOUR VOICE:Spiritually Speaking

Oh the things I would say

If I could only have my way

I would pelt out knives to cut

The lies that ensnare the gut

...shhhh!!!

Stand still

Silence

Notice not

Flow on

Commands, demands

Oh but I love this process

Tongue in cheek

As I hold down nauseous contents

....Now....GOOO!!!

Step here

Slide in

On the ground

Hide

My body aches

How much can a warrior take

Heal me, seal me

Shield me, build me

You're in your head

Free your thoughts

From what you think it is

And accept what it is not

.........concerning You.........I........Me.............Alone.................Isolation

There is a work

An Ebb, a flow

Darkness rushes in

Light pushes back a great blow

Evil loves evil

Destruction and pain

LOVE stretches faith

In the torrential rain

The process is everything

Never look for reward

Just be grateful 

For the unity being built in the accord

..............brethren

Written by Trudy Schrader on 09/10/2020

Note: Spiritual Warfare is not for the weak. Today, I am reminded of the necessity for sober-mindedness in all moments...even when, and most especially when, weary begins the creep.

PROCESSING THE SYSTEM: INTRODUCTION

 It was in the water

Where receptors were numbed

As currents of pain and pleasure

Were systematically being gummed

Blinded eyes gazed at silence

Forked tongues hissed at words

The machine making adjustments

Were the loud sounds players heard

Not for me, can't have

Move along little doggie, just get through

Suffering is your lot in life

Precious Blue can't always find, and rescue you

Words, sentences, mantra, belief

My narrative was alive......without....ME

Must hide self in the crowd

Where evil is not allowed

...........but where to hide

.................................when I must ABIDE

.......................................................in NOT.....ME!!!

Written by Trudy Schrader on 08/29/2020

Note: I swear, the healing process never ends. LOVE is always revealing areas in the heart that are cold and need the warm touch of caring love to make it whole and new again. This process is very difficult for me, but I will do the work so that I can be healed and maybe others can benefit from my journey. Wow! See!?! Melodrama....Lord, help me!

INDOCTRINATED

I was doctored
Before I was sick
Getting ahead of disease
Is the trick
...to being

I was wrong
Before I was right
Placed in between
Evil and light
...to struggle

I was cursed
Before I was blessed
Redemption needed
To enter rest
...as a baby

I was rescued 
Before I was bound
Pleasures denied
Just as they were found
...in hope

Punishment a promise
Before reward was offered
All I could ever desire
Sacrificed on an altar
...of an AWFUL god

TRUTH appeared............

                 Now, WHAT?????

Written by Trudy Schrader on 07/26/2020


Note: Growing up in any society, we are taught WHAT to believe rather than how to think and how to process information. I think about Jim Jones, David Koresh and others who were obviously, mentally ill, but so were their followers, so easily indoctrinated. Why is it so easy for us to swallow, hook, line and sinker, belief systems based in punishment and reward rather than the TRUTH...God means to enjoy us? May we all come to know Daddy God as LOVE, because that is His name.

RENTING THE VEIL

Covered in shadow
White to light
She is married
To the night

...yet she claims

I am owner
I am might
I have won
It's my right

...to rule man

Androgynous
When at war
A goddess
No more

...to appease appetite

Kings and Queens
Bound to glory
They honor and venerate
Her ancient story

...empty womb

Written by Trudy Schrader on 07/26/2020

BEREAVEMENT

Moments come and go
With the unpredictable flow
Of love
Joy, Sorrow, discovery, relief
Gain, loss, growth, and grief
....but this....

I can see you standing, there
Right there, in plain sight
My love flowing toward you
In truth and rainbow light

....BAM!

The backlash hit me full force
As your black voice
....spoke

Lies, you are in agreement with lies
Against the very one who willing dies
....daily, so you can live????

I can't fix it, so I walk away
I will not cry, I will pray

Daddy God says I have entered
Bereavement
Housed in the backwoods
Where there is no easement
....to stay connected

Enough, my LORD...I have lost enough

Then light shines on the years 
I wanted to know nothing of Mama God
Experiences, lies, disappointment
Led me to believe the Holy Spirit was a fraud

Even after she breathed on me
And allowed me a taste of peace
I walked away without even a thanks
For one moment of release 
....from constant torment

Twenty four years of healing and comfort
She was there in my loneliest hour
But I wanted nothing to do with the part of God
Who was responsible for the....POWER
....to destroy

It was only a little while back
That I finally saw her TRUTH, me in her hands
As she looked upon her creation
I began to understand
....she is LOVE
...............too

LOVE always believes, always hopes...............LOVE never fails

I will too

Written by Trudy Schrader on 07/14/2020

WHILE I WAIT

The water flows
Without discernible movement
The sun shines
But no shadow detected
The wind blows
Without a puff of air
Plants grow
Void of fruit
Seats sit
Without a place to rest
....while I wait

Written by Trudy Schrader on 06/18/2020 

PENNY PRAYERS

Sally, on her way to work
Was rushed and hurried about
Under her breath, she prayed
"God make this traffic thin out"

Jamie, on his way to success
Saw no one but aides on the way
Silently in his heart he said
"God give me the promotion, I pray"

Out in the Bush, where no one goes
A little girl lifts her head to the sky
There's a beautiful bird up there
I wished I had wings so I could fly

Over the tracks, where the poor folk live
A little boy lifts his head a bit to high
There's rich folk who hurt others
I wished I had the power to buy

On her bed of sorrow, she takes up her sword
And runs with shield in hand to fight
No one knows her name or job
But all her prayers lay bare at night

On his bed of comfort, he opens up to see
What the Creator wants to reveal
No one knows his name or assignment
But all his prayers lay bare under the Holy Spirit's seal

Up on God's Holy Mountain
Where the faithful climb to know
Currency is counted and weighed
To buy the miracles that outwardly show

...........fruit

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05/

COMFORTING CALM

There there, don't worry
This too shall pass
Nothing that happens today
Will continue to last

Lock the door, close the curtains
And pull the covers over your feet
Give me the remote
And lets silently retreat

We must submit to authority
We must never be against the law
God wants us to be good citizens
And try our best to hide our flaws

No sense in broadcasting about
Beliefs that will only bring war
Thank you God for our comforts
And seeing to it we have abundantly MORE

....than we need

While we are stuck in this state
Midaswell post pictures of our fun
We will bake, craft and create
Everyday til this trial is finally done

God Lord, they are rioting in the street
There there, we must keep calm
Let us pray to our gracious lord
To send us Heaven's balm

"God send your angels to watch over us
As these heathens run about
Please let no harm come to our dwelling
While LOVE and fear fight it out"

Oh! Look at the news...the state of things
The lord's about to come back
We get to go in the Rapture
While the awful ones are left with all their lack

....needing judgment

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05/6/2020

Note: There is such a disconnect in reference to the affects of relationship in this nation. Being disingenuous with self makes it impossible to lay bare our souls before a HOLY GOD and highly unlikely to ever be able to connect with others in a TRUTHful way.  

BONDING BLUE

The moment, that euphoria,
A feeling like never before
No one counting the cost
Or the threshold of the door

Commitments of convenience
Never getting past the glory
Just wanting the success
That lays out like a perfectly executed story

Even after Wisdom arrived
They could not gaze upon her face
They gave her everything needed
But in their hearts, she had no place

They loved sharing photos
Of all the places they let her ride along
They even turned up the music
And invited her to sing a song

As she grew up, they grew away
To the point, she could no longer stay

...........lost

As they sat upon their lonely couch
Wondering why Wisdom never came around
They had been good parents
Because their knowledge and education were...sound

Decades passed as their eyes grew dim
When one night, Wisdom came to their door
She asked if they would sit with her
But they turned her away, and they saw her no more.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05-04-2020

MASTERING MEMORY

Who would have ever thought
All of living could come to this
Mourning over what was
A perpetual state of exclusionary bliss

Pop! Went the weasel, as she moved,
Toward the only difference to give her voice
While he skipped along behind
As the man who yielded to woman's choice

Out from original creation, she came
He, never quite...the same

Throughout HIStory, memory of time
Has scratched on the dotted line
Lie after lie, causing man to believe
Nothing of the original creation
Learning passed new and tantalizing sensation
To bring humanity to retrieve

............................RESTORATION

She was brought to humanity 
On cloven tongues, fifty days from ascension
To comfort and teach, maybe even reach
The part of the mind that desire's retention

One span of time was devoted to feeling
The second, the age of reason arrived
When Wisdom looked upon her children
She sighed with relief that TRUTH had survived

.......................treason

In the bed, yes, always in the bed
The majority are fighting off attacks of fear
Some sleep in comfort, with memory
Replaying all the dreams of previous years

Still, there is a remnant.....engaged in battle
Riding to war without a comfortable saddle

.................Mercy riding on Wings of LOVE

It's that line, that ALWAYS leaves void, in the mind
And that incessant  need pulling back on the DIVINE

.......................for Pity's Sake............let me at least......................REMEMBER

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05/29/2020

POSTULATING PAIN

She passed many things, daily
As records played in the background
Don't go near, stay away, don't touch
Til she drove herself to the only place SHE could be 

.................................FOUND

Monotony has a rhythm of its own
Familiar carries a purse of peace on its shoulder
Til the very thing one can never have or be
Is at the very place, forbidden, but now, wiser and older

She looked, maybe that was wrong too
But a glance caught her inner eye of wonder
Difference sat itself, right there in the tree, for everyone to see
The earth beneath her footing roared with thunder

She came to herself with a fevered haste
Rushing to leave the sacred place
.......lest sHE behold HIS fierce face

She avoided, went around, cut paths in the ground
Yet there difference still sat, living, breathing, NOT DEAD
............peace.......the only .........sound

Time stood still at the site of difference
The record played "Don't go near!" Yet difference
.............is HERE

Pain seared in her mind as she began to reason
Truth wasn't for the one who came from a rib
Men carry vision of the GOD, allusive, unknown
Maybe sHE could be greater if her mind uncovered
........a...........what???

No! Away, go away, little girl

Awwww, the pain, it hurts,

............ugh! I don't care if I DIE

...................nothing is as bad as THIS
CONSTANT BEATING OF A DRUM, GET ON WITH IT LITTLE GIRL, GO DO WHAT IS ALREADY .........................................................DONE.....................................

The bullet shot through the window, shattering glass
Leaving a hole for her to approach and finally ask
.........a question

She did it, walked into the presence of difference
And Difference wasted no time to point to the pain
He ran over the messages secretly playing
In the back, pushing her to the point to act "insane"

She repeated the message as though it were TRUTH
But Difference showed the flaw in reason and touch
Sitting in the forbidden tree no one could come near
Made HIM god, and obedience, a broken crutch
............for a HUNGRY god

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05/20/2020

Note: Pain is difference. It is the thing that makes us grow and come to know what is of LOVE and what isn't. We must push into our pain to understand, rather than yield to the idea it will last forever.

WITHOUT A WORD

I have no word 
About time before matter
No explanation
Of what went down

I have no word
About worlds or others
Who may be living
Where we have not found

I have no word
About concepts above
No wisdom
On how it all works

I have no word
About the world below
Or systematic way
To answer exactly WHERE fear lurks


......waiting in shadow

But, without a word
I follow still
Knowing that what is unknown
Is no less real

Without a word
I pursue your flow
Trying to catch a ride
On the the White Light's Brilliant Glow

No word, not one single word
Has to be spoken
For me to believe
Wisdom is cloakin'

.............Revelation in LOVE

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05/17/2020

DEFINING LOVE

1 Corinthians 13:4-8


LOVE IS

Patient
Kind
Rejoices in Truth
Always Protects
Always Trusts
Always Hopes
Always Perserveres


LOVE ISN'T/DOESN'T

Does Not Envy
Does Not Boast
Is Not Proud (God resists the proud)
Is Not Rude
Is Not self-seeking
Not Easily Angered
Keeps No Record of Wrongs (forgiven forgives)
Does Not Delight In Evil

THE TRUTH

LOVE NEVER FAILS!!!!

Note: When I made the Live Video on Facebook, I was verbally processing, and messed it all up. So, Daddy God is helping me clear it up now. Just as Erickson has stages of development, Love does too. There is a task in each stage that has to be completed before moving to the next. I hope you see it as I just did.

Patient vs. Impatience....develops Unity/Purity
Kind vs. Unkind....develops attitude toward Difference/Choice
The list of ISN'T/DOESN'T comes in the position of #3 because it is where we learn to WAR/BATTLE against Entitlement/Self-Preservation

Position 4 is so beautiful...I can't do it justice. Four is Direction (Jesus is always our true North)/Order and our lives come into line with Him. This is why #4 is our HEART ATTITUDE!!!
We learn to Rejoice in TRUTH. This task is pivotal, a paradigm shift. You will either come into line w/Jesus or He will break you, and reset you. You simply can NOT move without LOVE.

Protects vs Self-Preserves...develops the courage to move into Ministry/Work
Trust vs. Mistrust...we learn interdependence...He tells us WHO we are in HIM...Marriage/Family
Hope vs Despair....we learn to Rest in Worship :)
Perseverance vs. Surrender....we learn to move IN PAIN to bring forth New Beginning/Circumcision
And, if we do NOT surrender...LOVE NEVER FAILS...we enter into Vision/Birth

DELIVERANCE DAY

Their flight of fight
Was in the dead dark night
Where movement couldn't be detected
She sat in the buried back
Where all of home was packed
Into a space that had yet to be infected
...with abuse

Only seven going on eleven
Never to be convinced of an elusive heaven
She sat in the middle of mama's mess
Forget all the ways above and around
It was obvious where down was bound
This family was getting nothing less
...than hell

For hours and hours they drove
Into a old timey pot bellied stove
Where the fire roared with laughter
Just outside of the state line
He caught her on the the edge of time
And all things altered thereafter
...in the silence

No one spoke

Fast forward forty years
Where she has dried all her tears
But still sits in that packed up car
No space for others to invade
Where her final home was made
Into a battlefield bizarre
...of fear

Even if you swept it clean
Of all that life could mean
The smell would linger in the air
Invisible strings connected
To things that others have rejected
Bringing light to her hideous affair
...still
.........no one sees
................................WHERE...........
....................................................................SHE .....................is

The rancid smell of purring cats
Tell the concerned to just stay back
Far from her sacred place
You can judge and mock
The swing of her tick tock
But this is where she sees her mother's face
...and feels her embrace

...........no grief can remove.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05/19/2020

SOUL IMPRESSIONS

I find myself, circling
An area I was certain, 
Had been filled, long ago
Years of healing
Forgiving, walking on
With LOVE, into places I'd never go
....alone

I mean....there are things to be feared
Lessons learned, bridges burned
......I'm not STUPID!!!

Why am I here? Again?
Was there something I didn't get
In all of the hours
Of learning how to ignore, forget
....pain

Even when the mind can't remember
The body recollects every mark ever made
And try as you might, to settle
The soul won't rest til the debt is paid

.....yea....but Jesus

Ahhhh! I think I've come to it

When no one came to my defense
And I was held without a cause
When I was rejected and blamed
Where was JESUS....oh, yea, being my boss

Trust me....lean into me.....believe me

All of my faith couldn't do a thing
About the impressions upon my soul
....like pock marks from a childhood illness

Maybe if I wouldn't have scratched
So deep, rutting the flesh, for relief
I wouldn't be standing over the evidence
That my life is tattooed by unresolved grief

Jesus, I do trust, but I will not lie
The fibers of my soul demand I try
....to defend myself
You tell me, you are my protector
Yet I fight against you with my "private eye" detector
....to prove I'm alone....still

Ugh!!!

Being human sux!
I'll never get it right
Yea, yea, "It doesn't matter
Just keep yourself in the fight."

I'm still here.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 04/21/2020 

RECONCILING THE HEART

Broken, abandoned
....done

But then you show up
...THE one

Anger poured forth
Like a whip in the wind
I could not endure YOU
YOU, always have to win

I didn't know love
Was some kind of sick game
Where people did horrible things
Then attached your sacred name

Nope....
......but, then
...........HOPE
.......................threw me a golden rope

Oh, but I had conditions
I would never again, do religion
Rules never saved anyone
And makes for too many cooks in a kitchen

If I'm walking, we are TALKING
If I have things to know, you alone, can show
...........TRUTH

No more freakin' lies
About how magic happens in the heart
When you appear to a child
Who hasn't had a moment to even start
..........longing

What, were you marking territory
Making me some grand story
No matter how much healing
Still seems like life is stealing
.......innocence

I have walked, talked, and even balked
At "THE WAY" humans must travel
Choice points a fist, even now
As faith in religion begins to unravel
.....and we, the judge
...................reach for the gavel

There is no reconciling the wayward mind
.........to THAT HEART

............that LOVES, humanity
....................even unto to death

I lie prostrate before my KING
Though LOVE would allow me to stand
His holiness is sacred beyond thought
And anything this mind is allowed to understand
............HE IS GOD
................the end.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 04/04/2020

HEART TALK

Running about with a mission
It's so easy to lose your vision
People needing hope and life
Right in the middle of looming strife

Up down, all around, like pools of water
Reminding myself, I am Daddy God's daughter
LOVE is trying to flow in unbelief
But without faith, even GOD can NOT bring relief

Through a door, and I am met by men
Come, we need you to come with us, once again
Expectations at the floor of need
And me completely depleted of divine seed

I gave consent with submission to flow
Whoever I will meet...........I already KNOW
His face, falling completely in, to grace
Taking it all in, in the sacred, holy place

Each step, purposeful, beautiful, divine
He spoke, and with every word, HE is mine
I'm reminded, He's married, with children
Who am I, I have nothing in me, to give HIM

How can HE encourage me, while LOVING others
Giving expensive shoes to a single, struggling, mother
He touched so many, and with such impact
Moment after moment, arriving, and HE, always exact

But....then.....

He sat on a couch, facing me, knees touching
HE dove into to me, silencing, crushing
.........fear, doubt, and unbelief

Heart to heart we melded into LOVE
HE alone, is who and what I am made of
Words need not be spoken when TRUTH reigns
Up and gone, but HE remains

.........in my assured, settled, abounding in joy
..............HEART

Written by Trudy Schrader on 03/27/2020

OUTSOURCED

In the beginning
When humanity began to walk
The Creator would come down
Just to talk
...with man

Time passed
And possibilities began to arise
Everything permissible
Except that one, where man dies
...alone

Well, it happened
And really, not that bad, it seemed
Man lived and had children
Without a Creator who intervened
...incessantly

Murder is learned
And it surfaced with brothers
Toil, pain and suffering
For shamed mothers
...of sons

The Flood came
A new beginning for a clean slate
But if experience is a teacher
Habit had an open gate
...to the heart

Man decided to be god
Unity helped them build a tower
A pyramid with an altar atop
So that man could have power
....to destroy

The more man roamed
And saw the difference of choice
Submission seemed ignorant
When the silence vibrated with voice
...to hold

Love happens freely
There shouldn't be one "right" way
Sodom and Gomorrah erupted
With the insanity of making HOLY ANGELS man's prey
...for sex 

We want a king! They cried
And The Creator provided, yet again
No one liked the sacrificial system
And HIS obsession with sin
...the SIN
...................of WOman

.............................................He should be over it by now.

Even when THAT king failed
Many others followed, leadership sealed
GOD can NOT be our king
Because that position is currently filled
...with man

Religion and Politics gathered
In a governing system, like a pyramid on dry land
Man grew comfortable in position and power
That made them oblivious to the shifting sand
....of natural disaster

So solid is the foundation
In this time of civilized man
That those who claim HIS name
Have no NEED to reach for HIS hand
...anymore

Six long days have passed
And man has finally arrived at the top
Humanity understands LOVE conquers fear
And no weapon can ever stop
...a CHILD OF GOD

GOD RESISTS

......................THE PROUD

..........................................even if they are CHILDREN OF GOD


Written by Trudy Schrader on 03/17/2020

DRILLING FOR OIL

He sat at a desk
Where he had worked for twenty years
As he gathered the evidence collected
He fought back swelling tears

She sat in the home
Where she learned to trust and run
Love had sheltered her and her boys
This couldn't be how LOVE is done

....critical loss

He lugged his suitcase
Down the lonely road of the city
He had three degrees to his name
And a cardboard sign trying to buy pity

She stood under the street light
Waiting for her next trick to drive up
Needed money for living in drugs
Why could she never get enough

....despair

He walked into the restaurant
Fighting back the urge to demand "clean"
Though he tried to ask for a favor
He knew his words were controlling and so mean

She sat in the house of worship
Fearing that an assailant would enter
How could she protect her young
And keep "god" front and center

.....drilling for oil

They gather at promises
Saying they believe the earth holds gold
But as water separates from oil
Terror fills the believer's mold

The black ooze comes to all
But the water of the WORD repels
Nothing can stay where LOVE has cleansed
The heart from systems once held

....as truth


Written by Trudy Schrader on 03/12/2020

REBIRTH

I waited for you
In the depths of the earth
For the season of joy
To bring me into the womb of rebirth

So much time trickled
As blood blotted the ground
War and sorrow reigned
Where mercy had been bound

The thick ooze camped
On the connections of life
Surging energies shot forth
In eras of worldwide strife

Weapons changed hands
But the fight, always the same
Humans trying to possess
The power of NAME

.....ignorance prevailed

Then, light began to break forth
As my essence began to rise
The closer I got to the top
The ooze tried to stick me with lies

But in the core of my soul
The ETERNAL drew me near
Past all times that gathered 
As a net, drenched in humanity's worst fears

Come forth, my daughter!
I heard you call, MY LOVE
When I awoke, I found a form
Lying on the ground, in my own blood
.......ABOVE.....ABOVE.....MY LOVE

No one could have prepared me 
For the journey, within the heart of man
Your precious NAME, a stamp
On the fruition of  a meticulous plan

......to BE GOD

How is it possible, six days
And still humanity is without a clue
That you were dead before life had breath
And all that is LOVE is YOU

YOU, all perfect, all knowing
The essence of beauty revealed
In the simple cycle of growth
The treasures of Heaven are concealed

I have been above, my allotted time
Territory has been consecrated to LOVE
The fire is on its way
To bring forth the TRUTH of
........difference

Lies told humanity
Difference means you are less
A Holy God wants to rule
You are "good," but....HE IS ALWAYS BEST
.....there is no rest!!!!!!

The day is upon us
Where all of humanity will bow
And in unison CONFESS
You alone, oh GOD
Is, was, and will always be BEST
.....and your heart is to know

...................................me!?!


Written by Trudy Schrader on 03/11/2020

BACK AGAIN

I couldn't pinpoint the moment
When my movement changed
The current continued onward
So how could I know, underneath,
  ......my waters rearranged

As time carried on, and I along
Bubbles rose to the top, bursting
The still, calm, peace, gone
How could the River of Life
.....become so thirsty

I wanted to go South, but no
You drew me straight into your North
West and East not even considered
Where the rushing of tides
....working to bring LOVE forth

............into the glorious light of never ending day


I have desires, I want...something
I play it out like a genius playing chess
The movements and choices made by eternity
Who am I to make a willful play
....a fool bouncing out a well informed...guess

I once did all I wanted, secretly
Knowing that none wanted me to prosper
I found safety in you, releasing my flow
And at the exact moment I saw a form
......I lost HER

The woman you made me to be
Is flowing in you, finally free
Yet unison seems far from shores
When I pull back, again, to hold my moors
......securely in time, rushing toward eternity

Written by Trudy Schrader on 03/10/2020

THE ENCOUNTER

One glance
Was it a moment
No...time was NOT present
As my essence met
Her presence
......Mother of all things living

Our eyes never met
But she saw my nakedness
As my head was bowed low
My deepest longing
Written on the space between
.......Creator and Created

No words left her lips
But the vibrations
Shook the fibers of my soul
To know and be known
Of LOVE
.......The Contract was made and accepted

Ahhhh.......but,

............the PRICE

In retrospect, it was me
I can not deny
My name is "ALL TRUTH"
I can NOT lie
........loss, loss...but insignificant
..............in light of the CROSS
..........................HIS cross

I see things are changing
I see the effect of LOVE
One person at a time
I see the healing
I see restoration
Then, I see the tormented mind
.....that chooses FEAR
.............over love
...................and I cry

No matter the cost
No matter the price
There never was and never will be
.......a choice
...............that can include ALL

The choice to not enter
The room
Of eternal peace
Is a valid choice
And the value of choice
Is more valuable
Than the cost LOVE
..........bled for all those 
...................who would choose to be lost

My heart is weighted
I didn't want THIS Truth
But what is written
Is revealed and can never again
Be sealed
....away from my understanding

For TRUTH to know and be known
LOVE had to die as a lie
But in resurrection,
They are united 
......in restoration

Written by Trudy Schrader on 02/06/2020

THE MARK

Once again he vowed his love
To the woman he couldn't endure
As he ran to meet the hooker
Who would gladly reassure
...service

She clothed and fed the children
Who gave her a place in the world
As she despised the sex of boys
For not being born girls
...of choice

The rhythm of the drums beat
The sing song melodies of habit
As the dressing on her head
Choked out any idea she could desire, and have it
...without costs

He paid the bills with wages and tips
From a job he could never leave
As the lure of education prodded hope
With a fantasy meant to entice and deceive
...the weak

So many mind games to play
Especially with the disconnected heart
As actions and words dart out, hither and yon
Without purpose or a mark
...will corrupt the process

Among the walking dead, are the living
Connected to every action and word
As LOVE requires sacrifice for wisdom
THE MARK judges the absurd
...work revealed

Unbelief, Unbelief, what a relief
..........the only sin.....with a connection and a lead

Written by Trudy Schrader on 01/26/2020

BORROWING BURROUGHS

Fresh and new
Adventures to find
Skipping to the beat
Of a patterned mind

Follow the line
Never step on the crack
The crevices will reveal
Wanton lack

Free, everything is free
For anyone to take
Maybe adults have to pay
For Mercy's sake

Wait! I didn't agree
What have I lost
Too young to wonder
About payment...cost

..............shame

...........................no one, must know

..............................................ever

Don't know when movement
Stopped, time stood still
Holes were dug
And things were gathered around the feel
.........what is real!?!

The clear green pasture
Overtaken by burroughs of dirt
Landmines of sorrow
Continually blowing up the hurt

Lack, Lack, Lack
Black and oozing on tomorrow
Never paying back
What was obligingly borrowed

That's the thing
Return is not an logical option
Backward movement
Collects waste laden toxins
..........in the soil of the soul

One way to clear the path
Till the ground with steel blades
Ridding the soul of pockets
Collecting beliefs that satisfy and fade

..........into wispy lies

Today, Truth is clear
I can not promise what isn't mine
Money I don't have
Or payment over time

What I have in this moment
Is more than enough
To meet all my needs
Though circumstances are rough

LOVE has cleared the way
I will flow like a river to the ocean
Nothing will cause me concern
Because I honor TRUTH by laying down reason and emotion.


Written by Trudy Schrader on 01/22/2020

LOST IN FOUND

Lost in grief and sorrow
Wednesday's child found a way
To take what was given
And mold something funny to say

Laughter paved a smooth road
Sarcasm made them think
Is she happy, sad, angry
One thing for certain, she'll never sink

....to despair

Marriage came in like a whirlwind
Disappointment at every turn
But she took every moment to ponder
And sought  out concepts she could learn

Growth was slow and methodical
With no idea where everything led
But she chose to stop fearing
And never more, give in to dread

...what could lie ahead

From barrenness to fruitful baskets
She offered them up to LOVE
She could never have believed
The ground would push her up in a ruthless shove

Up, up, up toward the light
The darkness left behind, underneath the soil
The years ahead would be difficult
Constant work, struggle and toil

...just to breathe

She learned to yield to LOVE
Fighting for the TRUTH still lying at His feet
One day, freedom came as she picked it up
And watched fear retreat

Into shadow, Deception fled 
As TRUTH waited in her hand
She studied, utilized it in battle
And finally began to understand

...THE truth

All that was lost
All the grief, sorrow and pain
Is exactly where it was laid down
In LOVE...where there is no lack

.....................and everything is gain

Written by Trudy Schrader on 01/11/2020

Note: Today is my oldest son's birthday...the day I went from barrenness to fruitfulness. Loss is process based, so is failure. Both are necessary for the wonderful process of growth. All that I have ever perceived as loss or failure, has been found in LOVE...which means, it was never there in the first place.