SOUL IMPRESSIONS

I find myself, circling
An area I was certain, 
Had been filled, long ago
Years of healing
Forgiving, walking on
With LOVE, into places I'd never go
....alone

I mean....there are things to be feared
Lessons learned, bridges burned
......I'm not STUPID!!!

Why am I here? Again?
Was there something I didn't get
In all of the hours
Of learning how to ignore, forget
....pain

Even when the mind can't remember
The body recollects every mark ever made
And try as you might, to settle
The soul won't rest til the debt is paid

.....yea....but Jesus

Ahhhh! I think I've come to it

When no one came to my defense
And I was held without a cause
When I was rejected and blamed
Where was JESUS....oh, yea, being my boss

Trust me....lean into me.....believe me

All of my faith couldn't do a thing
About the impressions upon my soul
....like pock marks from a childhood illness

Maybe if I wouldn't have scratched
So deep, rutting the flesh, for relief
I wouldn't be standing over the evidence
That my life is tattooed by unresolved grief

Jesus, I do trust, but I will not lie
The fibers of my soul demand I try
....to defend myself
You tell me, you are my protector
Yet I fight against you with my "private eye" detector
....to prove I'm alone....still

Ugh!!!

Being human sux!
I'll never get it right
Yea, yea, "It doesn't matter
Just keep yourself in the fight."

I'm still here.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 04/21/2020 

RECONCILING THE HEART

Broken, abandoned
....done

But then you show up
...THE one

Anger poured forth
Like a whip in the wind
I could not endure YOU
YOU, always have to win

I didn't know love
Was some kind of sick game
Where people did horrible things
Then attached your sacred name

Nope....
......but, then
...........HOPE
.......................threw me a golden rope

Oh, but I had conditions
I would never again, do religion
Rules never saved anyone
And makes for too many cooks in a kitchen

If I'm walking, we are TALKING
If I have things to know, you alone, can show
...........TRUTH

No more freakin' lies
About how magic happens in the heart
When you appear to a child
Who hasn't had a moment to even start
..........longing

What, were you marking territory
Making me some grand story
No matter how much healing
Still seems like life is stealing
.......innocence

I have walked, talked, and even balked
At "THE WAY" humans must travel
Choice points a fist, even now
As faith in religion begins to unravel
.....and we, the judge
...................reach for the gavel

There is no reconciling the wayward mind
.........to THAT HEART

............that LOVES, humanity
....................even unto to death

I lie prostrate before my KING
Though LOVE would allow me to stand
His holiness is sacred beyond thought
And anything this mind is allowed to understand
............HE IS GOD
................the end.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 04/04/2020