CLANGING CHRISTMAS

There's a reason
I can't be happy in this season
While others greatest wishes come true
Another year has brought me nothing new

Oh, don't get me wrong
I'll participate and play along
That my world is fine and dandy
Baking up cookies and candy

But the truth has a chock hold around my neck
Not one person will care to check
If I'm happy
If sad, sorrowful, glad....
........or still freakin' grieving

I know what they think
Their 'get over it' words, clink
Against my armor
Oh, are you surprised at the noise
Did you expect me to bring toys
....to the party

At least if I cause a clammer
Someone might ask me what's the matter
Oh, and when they do....

I know just how to work it
My sarcastic humor will bring them low
Their super fake attitude
Will crack and show
....red hot anger

I know the grieving process
And I know where I am stuck
Down in this tar pit
Of black filthy muck

At least with the undeniable presence
Surrounding my very essence
They will have to acknowledge...me
I'm not stupid, I'm ugly at best
But I will not get cleaned up, so they can rest
In smoothing over my grief-stricken reality

I have lost....everything....and no one cares to see
They just want me to be...free

Flying like a bird without a care
But my heart, yes, I still have one
Hangs on with every ounce of hope
That maybe, just maybe, my living isn't done

If I can do just one good thing
Before I pack up and go
Then I might be willing
To stop allowing my anger to blow

In every direction
Toward those who demand perfection
In order to love me
I know it's hidden
That I am guilt-ridden
By the way I deal with my reality

....please, don't leave me

Written by Trudy Schrader on 12-23-2017

Note: This is written for the multitude who are grieving and not fitting in to the festivities. You are not alone, and LOVE never fails....because if HE did, I would give up hope.