BEING HOMELESS

    I was working at the Revenue Office in 2011, when the assistant manager got into a "Come to Jesus Meeting" with me. She said, "Trudy, I'm a complete heathen, and yet I know you never pass up a homeless person...that could be Jesus or an angel." I was cut to the core of my soul, but I pushed, as hard as I could, to get the responsibility to LOVE, out of my perspective. That should have been a sign that I had a deep-seated fear about being homeless.
    I lived at a women's shelter for 2 years, and even though I was, technically, homeless, I was not without resources. While I was there, I saw, that resources and connection with others are the dividing line between the "hidden homeless" and the "on the streets" homeless. In order to receive benefits from entitlement programs, you have to have an address. In order to have an address, you have to have a job or a connection with someone who can assist as you get back on your feet. Seeing the system from a homeless perspective, one could easily and accurately conclude that it serves the educated homeless, and gives a clear message to humanity, "If you navigate the system incorrectly through wrong choices, the system will be against you, and allow you to experience the consequences of those choices, alone."
    My perspective began to change in 2014, from doing nothing, even avoiding places where "they" hang out to advertise homelessness, to seeing them and saying a prayer. One day, when I was coming out of Wal-Mart, I heard myself praying, "God please help no one to be there. I don't want to see them." Daddy God asked, "Why are you afraid?" I blurted out, "I'm a single mom, struggling myself. What could I possibly offer?" Daddy God said, "What is in your hand?" I looked in the seat at the $5 hot pizza I had bought for dinner, and smiled. I pulled up to the man, and gave him the pizza. He said, "God is good. God bless you." Them became a him, and I transformed into an empowered woman who began looking, actively, for LOVE opportunities.

    I quit my job at the Revenue Office in September 2014, to follow Daddy God on a journey of faith. Throughout the process, I lost my car, had to file bankruptcy, and eventually, lost our home. However, sustaining grace kept us in our home for 2 years after I made my last payment. Those around me, gave me all of the judgments I had thought, spoken, or believed about the homeless. I proclaimed, "I will not become homeless!!! God will show up and bring us out of these circumstances." On April 20, 2017, our home was auctioned off on the courthouse steps. I felt abandoned and betrayed by God. How could that be good for me and my children? How could this end testify of being faithful to the LOVE journey? My oldest son said, "Mama, when you experience the one thing every adult fears, and see Daddy God all the way through it, is there ANYTHING to be afraid of in this life?"
    My boys went to live with their dad and I went to live with my mother and sister. I had never been separated from my miracle boys. I was wrecked. In spite of it all, I picked myself up and began applying for jobs, and reentered the Graduate Counseling program at JBU. I substitute taught in local schools just to have some income. In March 2018, the job Daddy God delivered to my table, was being a crew person at McDonald's. God does have a wonderful sense of humor, and has a perfect answer to the homeless...meet them in their environment.
      I am a morning person, so my shift is early morning to early afternoon. Since McDonald's is open 24/7, the door is open all the time. I have seen, on several occasions, loaded cars parked close to the door, with a sleeping person at the wheel. One morning, a couple sat at a table, with a broken down box, full of belongings, and nothing to eat or drink. Normally, that is loitering, and they would be driven out, but the night managers are very understanding and compassionate. I watched the woman, going over a Wal-Mart receipt, like she was trying to find a way to come up with money. I allowed myself to enter into their hopelessness, and asked them if they would like to eat. He answered, "We are flat broke." I said, "It's on me." The couple that had ordered at the Kiosk and had sit down to eat, left abruptly, when I brought the struggling couple their food. A few minutes after the struggling couple finished eating and left, an employee came in and said, "A couple of meth-heads are in the dumpster, digging through the trash." I sighed in my heart.

  A couple of weeks ago, I was excited to have Play land all to myself so that I make it clean for the children who would play their later. I was horrified, when I stumbled upon a sleeping teenager. I immediately told the manager, who said he was waiting for the mother of his friend who worked at McDonald's. I let him sleep for 3 hours, undisturbed. Finally, I checked on him, and he was awake. I began asking him questions. When I asked him, "Where is your mother?" He answered, "Her car was impounded." As a former D.H.S. worker, I knew what that meant. I told him that the Independent Living Program could help him get an apartment, go to college, become an adult. He said, "Please don't call, I'm almost 18 and I have been there. I hate the system." When the mother of his friend came into work, she said, "Trudy, do not call on him. I have him. He's like my son. My friend is just going through a hard time." She did, in fact, take care of him. However, later that day, I saw that her son didn't like the extra responsibility of his homeless friend.
    The answer to homelessness is not to throw a benevolent b.m. at the "problem," so that the conscious mind can be relieved from awareness. It requires one heart meeting another at the point of fear/anxiety/hopelessness/despair, and being present in their pain. There is such a push to "fix" something and get on with living. I fight that actively while relaxing in LOVE, realizing I have nothing more to offer than my presence in the problem. I am so grateful for my homelessness, because I have conquered my fears that had separated me from opportunities with the homeless. We are all part of humanity, and our hearts respond to LOVE offered in the flow of living. Circumstances may change status, but connection renews faith and hope in living.