TASTING LOVE

My heart went to racing
With annoying excitement
As we approached the long drive
Knowing that soon
I would take in the smell of cedar
And feel wholly alive
...on the farm

So much land to explore
Running with reckless abandon
Into the uncharted wild
Pet skunks, cows, chickens
And water running pure
An open invitation to every child
...to swim

"Mama, Mama, can we go
Please!!!" as we ran out the door
Down the road that led to Chuck's
Helping with the little ones
As Mama cooked and cleaned
Time zoomed, and I never got enough
...freedom

Soon enough, we heard Mama's call
Echoing down the space between
And we ran with anticipation
Knowing that sister talk settled Mama
And cooking eased the pain
While unanswered questions were in the creation
...on a full table

For one brief moment
Etched in time, I was at peace
With all the right and wrong
As I experienced a whole family
At a table where children didn't talk
But were asked to sing a "Jesus" song
...for LOVE's sake

Families aren't perfect
But then again, love isn't about right
It's about growing together, in time
It's ok to leave things undone, unsaid
To have things to work out
As our broken hearts and maladaptive minds
....find our LOVE once again.

Written by Trudy Schrader on November 23, 2019 for my Aunt Phyllis's birthday

SEIZING SANITY

If the facts were plain
Lain on a sheet of white
It would still be fuzzy
With all the was he, was she...right

So, he led and she followed
Habit, to the place of secrets
Knowing he wouldn't talk
And she was certain to keep it
....hidden
........................deep

....................................where, even she, couldn't go

He didn't need a face
Only a way, that led to the place
Where familiarity played
While her growth stayed
...put....careful, to never move

Safety was found in routine
Afraid, until it was done
Then she could go free
Though her mind was broken, she would run

...like children do


It was when things got different
Even the air was terror
That she pulled against habit
Trying help him avoid an error

...in behavior

.......just trying somethin' new

.......................like molestation had a flavor

WAIT!!!!

Choice....if this is love, doesn't love have choice!?!
......or does SHE lose.......
.................................can't go there......back, gotta get back

.............on my back

......................................I think it's over........

"When you get over
Maybe you can GIVE back!"

She arose and died
As the forever bond, lied
Until LOVE came and untied
The veil of the virgin bride.


Written by Trudy Schrader on 10/29/2019

DOOR JAM

LOVE has a rhythm
That beats the heart with dance
The skin yields to flow
As the feet leap into chance

Feelings are fleeting
The mind can't be trusted
Useless connections pull
Wanting to be dusted

Windows threaten to open
Doors swing wide
As a tantalizing voice
Tries to pull you inside

....but LOVE

Lord O' Mercy, such a mess
Tangled and gnarled mesh
Human touch tightens
As it endeavors to enlighten

...a way out

Tie a ribbon around the eyes
Put plugs in your ears
Never again, startle
At the various sounds you THINK you hear

Place gloves on your hands
Put soda on the tongue
Dull the passions
That ignited when you were young

Draw self into the moment
Yield your heart to LOVE
Spirit, alone, will lead
Without pull, longings, pushes, or shoves

...into melody

Bound, gagged, limp, and deaf
You will move with purpose and ease
Who rules the Kingdom of LOVE
But the one who has been given the keys

Enter into peace, little ones
Dance to the beat of your own drum
Knowing that every wonky step, is yours
HIS STORY is already done

....and LOVE has won!

Written by Trudy Schrader on 10/20/2019

SHATTERED LENS

I was walking along the path
With full eyesight in tact
Discovering nouns and verbs
Conjoined as presented fact

Things were fine, til they weren't
And I began to question
If there were common laws
A weary soul could rest in

The more I wondered, I wandered
Hither and yon, searching for....what!?!
I'm certain I appeared whackadoodle
Throwing out ideas and systems that just could NOT

....answer

Through all the sifting and mixing
I baked myself a right good mess
Then I threw out my heart's desire
"Where can a spiritual heart enter a natural rest?"

LOVE came to me in the form of man
And gave me His hand to take
I hesitated with terror
"What if I follow and you find 'I' am a mistake?"

He entreated me to move in trust
Allowing all things to work out in process
The more He revealed about LOVE and life
The more I was left to guess

...through shattered lens

Did I see what I think I saw
Was what I saw based in preconceived notion
Shall I run along the laid out track
Or leave all habit for unwavering devotion

Something about habit that is appealing
At least one can feel safe....for a while
But once TRUTH is revealed, in the open
You can accept, or enter "duh nile"

Though images pass, and insecurities emerge
Through shards of broken glass
I am learning to look for movement, only
Never reaching to hold in a stolen grasp

...an eternal GOD

Written by Trudy Schrader on 10/05/2019

WHEN

When I first beheld my creation
And held you in my arms
I determined I would obliterate
Anything that would try to bring you harm

When I suckled you at my breast
Offering all my love without restraint
I determined I would work to provide
Every need, and your wants without complaint

When you grew your legs with great strength
And I let you go, to run and play
I determined to only guide from the sidelines
And never get in the way

......of growth

When your mind produced thoughts
And I drew in my breath in awe of your beauty
I determined to never lie for vanity's sake
But share hope in truth, the heart of a parent's duty

When I saw you develop in ways
That I could not relate, I kept open the gate
And, I determined that understanding is a bonus
That disequilibrium can never negate

When I saw that you spent less and less time
Wanting, or even enduring my presence
I determined that I would give you space
And not add sugar that puffs up and leavens

....my bread of sorrow

When you looked into my eyes
And saw the power I couldn't see myself
I determined to love you silly
And put the unpleasant experience on a shelf

When I tried to address and disarm your fears
You shooed me away with push of your hand
I determined to let you go your way
And accept that I don't need to understand

When I saw you take courage and dare to express
Self, in a way that was creative and bold
I determined to rejoice in silence
And accept that my meager mite created gold

....when......


Written by Trudy Schrader on 10/05/2019

REBIRTH

Thoughts allude me
As I enter this sacred place
I dare not misstep
The presence of grace
...into conditions

The previous light, forgotten
Back on the necessary track
I'm in the same tunnel
But with LOVE on my back
...guiding

I'm not heavy or weighted
With unknown fears
Hope trims my garment
As LOVE leads me, through heres,
...now

No past to hamper movement
Or future to pull me with force
All energy contained and full
Flowing me along the course
...of eternal joy

When the baby is birthed
I will not fight to hold and keep
She will be accepted by Daddy God
And into the natural, be fully released
...into Kingdom

Written by Trudy Schrader on 9/29/2019

Note: If the Natural World is a womb, and everything in it is growing and changing, when the baby (new world) is born, is the womb destroyed? No! It is made ready for seed to be planted again, and the "rebirth" of another....again and again. Truly, Children of LOVE, there is nothing to fear.

ENTERING THE WOMB

LOVE led me to the entrance
A darkness I had never known
Raised by terror, fear shaped a story
That had overtaken and grown
....mental illness

When I first saw ahead
The very thing LOVE wouldn't allow me to escape
I argued with my LORD, til he presented the option I couldn't afford
I walked into a dark tunnel to finally face
...trust

Step by step I gave words to my assumption
As I gathered the last morsel of gumption
...to lift my leg
.....terror weighted my ankles
..............."MY LORD, WHAT IF......

Every concern silenced by LOVE
Just as trust settled my soul
HE wrapped me "criss-cross applesauce"
As my broken melted into HIS whole
...together we reign

That was ten years ago
And I find myself IN a similar place
Transformation has changed my stance
So that LOVE guides me as I walk with grace
....into the unknown KNOWN

There is no longer any fear
Like an embryo in the womb
I can hear LOVE's voice
And HE in me is the LIGHT in every room

I will come through
Because eternity shows, I'm already out
Though all the forces of fear wage war
LOVE will not enter into unbelief, fear, or doubt

From dark to light
The fallen are made right
From fear to LOVE
Humanity is yielded up
....in unison.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 9/22/2019

SETTLED

From dark to dawn
The systems turned on
Man was already here
But LOVE stepped down
Yielded His crown
To wage war on fear

Voices and sounds
Always around
Yet man always knew
When LOVE walked
He heard Him talk
From LOVE's pointed view

She came out
With a glorious shout
Man had met his mate
She clung to his side
Longing to hide
From the whisper of  hell's gate

Such pretty sights
One caught her eye
She followed to the tree
He clung to her
Like a bear without fur
Fighting the urge to agree

The direction changed
The River rearranged
In one bite of time
She would not go alone
And be left to roam
An empty to world to find....

.............................LOVE

Six days were given
In which MAN was livin'
To conquer fear with LOVE
On day four
NORTH settled the score
And returned to His kingdom above

New man with three parts
Could give up his own heart
And walk again, as ONE
Spirit hide away
Til the end of days
And the work of LOVE was done

His children with compassion
Are the ones HE fashioned
To speak and do LOVE
Is it not written
That even the bitten
Will return to the Father above

His blood settled the bill
Where we thought we could fill
The lines with worked off debt
His Voice spoke
His payment broke
The five senses of regret

Settled.........the Work is done..............all is Settled.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 09/03/2019

Note: What Revelation reveled to me, I trust, He too will let you see :)

I KNOW

When you saw our situation
And counted your blessings
You recounted all your sins
That needed confessing
...I know

When you gathered in
The fruit from all your labor
You were never stingy
In taking care of your neighbor
...I know

When you sat in silence
And yearned for your friend
You sensed my presence
And laid down your life, in the end
...I know

When others relished in riches
And you sat without need
My peace comforted your soil
And nurtured your seed
...I know

When betrayal knocked at your door
And you stood your ground
You hungered and searched
And finally found

~Rest~

I KNOW

Written by Trudy Schrader for Johny Parkins

SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES

Two little girls on their way home
One got caught by a grin
The rejected, walked home, alone
While pretty and fast entered sin

A father and son sit at a table
Son is drinking his steal
When confronted with the fact
Money couldn't fix the "reel"

Never home to take up slack
Always at work, serving time
The family fears that the pull of power
Makes him tow the line

So much fun to be enjoyed
Yet she is constantly ducking out
The track marks on her arm
Are strewn about

....a broken body

Don't lie, steal or cheat
That's the rules he preaches
But behind closed doors
Little children believe action teaches

.....deception

Over in the corner
Hunkered in a huddled mass
Is a grown women
Marking her arms with shards of glass

...to bleed

OUT.....OUT I SAY!!!!

.......shhhhhhhhhh!

There is sound...in the back
Be silent so I can hear
The subliminal messages
That regulate my fear

What do I believe about self
And how did I come to take it to heart
I believe I'm ugly, stupid, of no value
..........hopeless

Good things come to others
The ones who have the special gift
Me, I've learned on a fault line
Always on THIS side of the rift

Void, empty, dark, unwanted
This world is cruel and unyielding
But I am no COWARD
Grief has brought me to building

.......a river out of my sorrow

Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-26-2019


Note: Until our say and our do match up, subliminal messages put us in a position to be torn asunder. May we work, moment by moment, to hear the lies, compare them to truth, and take back our personal power to be who LOVE has made us to be.

CLEARANCE RACK

She entered the store 
With list in hand
Hating every moment
Knowing no one would understand

Who hates shopping
It is supposed to be fun
But to the clearance girl
Just something else to be done

She carefully went to XL
Knowing nothing would fit
The color would be odd
But she would take what she can get

Maybe she would try again
A credit card would provide choices
But then, she played it out
And succumbed to the voices

.........YOU WILL NEVER GET WHAT YOU DESIRE

Settling had always worked
Why would she try a different way
Dressing nice, at this point
Would leave her broke at the end of the day

Sloppy bum, ain't bad, really
Especially for folk, just gettin' by
Life is being lived just fine
Without having to confront THAT particular lie

She walked out of the store
With nothing to account for the trip
So she stopped at the beauty store
To buy bleach for her hairy lip

Who cares that there are stores
Of every kind in this nation
Shopping is torture
When you have no grid for pleasant sensations

.....WORK, WORK, WORK
..............and yet nothing is for YOU!!!!

Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-21-2019

Note: My son taught me how to shop yesterday, and we had a wonderful adventure!

FAULT LINE

I never could have predicted
That I would leave in such a way
Circumstances brought me to a place
Where I could no longer stay

The legalistic rules
All of them, hypocritical fools

In all of their getting
They were too stupid to retain
Any measure of learning
For the mentally insane

Justify, justify, justify
Then they have the nerve to testify

.........of God's deliverance

Who needs that crap
When there is life to be livin'
I'll not give one more moment
To eternal grave diggin'

I'm going to run to boat loads of fun
Until I am filled up, good and done

But don't be lookin' for me
To darken a church house door
I'm  a sippin' saint
Who won't bow to "law" anymore

But, I'll hold on to what God hates
Surely he'll let me in those pearly gates

............WHAT???
..............................Mama's dead

I can't........................breathe


Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-19-2019

Note: This has been the most difficult write of my life, and it is not autobiographical...that's probably why. Anyway, when reading the poem, think about how a fault line works, and hopefully, you will have an earthshaking experience.

BAKING CLASS

They had gathered from all around
With special invitation in hand
No professional was allowed
To take part in this grand
...event

Just your every day, run of the mill
Person without culture or fame
Putting their baking skills to work
In hopes of being named
...winner

As the tickets were gathered
And members were assigned their place
A group of miscreants
Began to protest in disgrace
.........missssssing the mark, \
  .............................................entirely!!!

The host announced, "We are here to BAKE
Everything is supplied, with nothing for you to take
Moments and interactions are being considered
For the tastefully sweet and the consistently embittered

Time is wasting, get busy with the mixing
Any mistake in baking, you will need to be fixing
No imperfect bake will be accepted
Patience in love is the key to not be rejected"


BAKE!!!!!!

All the fussing stopped as bakers looked down
Into the empty bowl they'd been given
Several picked up flour and metal tin
To begin the meticulous act of siftin'
...clumps

Yet others looked about for clues
With no skills to draw from their empty well
Recipe books were on the shelf
Along with the instructor, who could already tell
...fear

He wondered about, listening intently
But never invading time or space
He glided about the baking room
With the presence of grace
...everlasting

The first time it happened, everyone stopped
A baker disappeared without a sound
No bake to account for the time in the room
Nor any effort of trying could be found
...in the spot

The instructor said, "No time to waste on wonder
Getting busy baking without the fear of blunder
When time is up and your life here is done
You will give an account of all movement under the sun

The bowl remains untouched without effort or trial
Too afraid of owning fault, so she stood in denial
That she is responsible for her presence in this room
And will give an empty bowl to her bridegroom

BAKE ON, MY CHILDREN, BAKE ON!!!!!

Many baked safe while judging others
Citing that pride would surely make them fail
While others put heart in soul into their dish
Waiting for time to tell
...truth

There were two who spent time with the instructor
Trying to rack up points with their brown noses
They must have gotten pointers, special help
Because every dish, perfectly displayed, like a bouquet of roses
...for a KING!

Then, within moments of each other
The two were led through a secret door
It appeared, as if from nowhere
Then it and them, were seen no more
...gone
......where???

The instructor announced, "Your classmates have moved to a new dimension
Where LOVE can be tested in rooms filled with hate and tension
The others...time ran out...and they are in the in-between
Where they can learn that life is never as is seems"

A student blurted out in disgust, "We are baking LOVE
How trite and cute! I believe I'm done
She threw away her bake and laid down her apron
Trading in her work for a life filled with fun

Learning, ever learning
.....but never coming to understanding


Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-18-2019

REMNANTS

Sitting on the front steps of a long porch
In the middle of the deep south
Little Billy looked up at his drunk dad
Hanging on to every word spoken out of his mouth

Leaning into Mama on a church house pew
In the buckle of the Bible belt
Little Hope searched to find the spirit
Everyone said they felt

Laying down atop a backseat of clothes
In the thick of the big city slum
Little Smokey looked for his father
To return from a never ending beer run

Peeking through the hole in the wall
In a place no human should ever live
Little Jezze pushed against contact
With the men who demanded she give

...remnants

Bill gathered himself  together
Deciding to see the other side of the world
He vowed to never touch liquor
The day he married "Daddy's Girl"

Hope picked up her religion
And placed it nicely on a shelf
She vowed to never lie
In order to be someone else

Smokey took his opportunity
To leave the slum with pride
He vowed to live out in the open
And never again try to hide

Jezze escaped the world of sin
On a plane headed to the states
She vowed she would never give
To a person she hates

...among the remnants

Funny how circumstances can change
But behaviors bring ya right back
To the place where terror was experienced
In the threads that bind the black

When the weather gets cold
And the heart yearns for the comfort of home
The remnants in the quilt come together
To remind the broken, you are not alone

We try to cut out the dark night
In the sparse light left in the day
Getting so angry with the remnants
For always being in our way

When patterns emerge into images
On the face of Grand-mama's quilt
Let the need for belonging
Shed the unwanted guilt

....of cleaving to the remnants

Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-13-2019 

BEING

Underground, its hard to see
What kind of thing one could be
All the stretching and tearing
With the sun, sometimes, glaring
...its light
.........on tender eyes

In the dark, matter becomes weighted
When WAY can NOT be anticipated
That's when vibrations cluster
Around reason, to filibuster
...for voice
.........to push BEING into choice

Edges and corners are never safe
Only experienced by the stupid and the brave
Best to reside in a circular clump
Where time and space gather to dump
...lack
........skirted in lattice black

BEING is most difficult when one is seeing
Who, what, and where others are agreeing
Being neither here nor there
But in the middle night....WHERE....light cares
...about movement
...........and the BEING's improvement

....????


Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-12-2019


Note: I'm always amazed when I ask a question, and without expectation, one answers in a way, that identifies the maturation of the soul. It never gets old, and always gives me the direction I need in prayers for that soul. 

CHILDREN OF CONVENIENCE

It is not how they come into the world
It's how they turn out
Raising responsible, great achievers
Is what good parenting is all about

No one wants a lazy child
Playing video games all the day long
They want a well rounded sports minded
Player, who knows how to fit in, belong

....but, only, as a leader

The losers can be followers
But a child who swells a parents heart
Is the dreamer, visionary
Who works hard to set himself apart

Too many average Joe's out there
Living week by week
No savings or long term goals
Just enough earnings to seal the leaks

...in holey pockets

Fame isn't as important
As a name that is respected and known
And a nice big farm is needed
To display all the great seeds that have been sown

In fertile, top of the line ground
No barren land to furrow in vain
Some miracle grow is nice
To maximize the gain

...without killing self

If you do everything right
Grandchildren will play in your plantation yard
While you swing on the front porch
With the absolute proof, you worked hard

Making a life of ease and peace
Health, wealth and family to crown your head
Never once considering
The children are only playing nice, til you're dead

....and they can get their reward


Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-04-2019

OBJECTIVE OBSERVER

He waited in he wing
Having desire without voice
Papa said he could have
But only with limited choice

She pulled back energy
Knowing not to be loud
He would tear her up
If she attracted a crowd

The bruises on his arm
Told a story of its own
Though surrounded by family
This child was alone

Young, yet aged in dress
She walked with baited seduction
He had her meal ticket
Though his way seeped with evil corruption

Weighted and worn she strode
With every step...dragging...pain
No way would she lay it down
Without losing all that she had gained

It may not be much...to others
But at least, they could say, "MINE!"
Who cares, that in order to gain it
They had to cross many cautionary lines

It is what it is
No change can take THAT away
With the Objective Observer
Meaning is always in the way

...trying to right some wrong,
........sing an inspirational song
...........in an attempt, to, well, get along

Written by Trudy Schrader on 06/30/2019

LEFTOVER LOVE

Once, there was a father
Who loved his children completely
Nothing fractured or missing
Withholding nothing for the greedy

Everything flowed to and from
Without interruption or wrinkle
Til a child pulled back
Creating a hold that crinkled

....into time

For the first time, a new word appeared
MINE, it is alllllll MINE
Ownership grew quickly
Separating LOVE from mankind

Oh, how the father wailed and mourned
But he always had a plan
He took out his heart from self
And spoke it into WOman

...as a seed

The gift met up with faith
And created a child, Love without fear
Death chasing all involved
Trying to make LOVE disappear

He fought all the fears that swirled,
Around the lies, whispered by the snake
That "father" will always give
But he will also take, take, take

....whatever HE wants, whenever HE wants

As the LOVE heart walked the road
That brought him to the giving tree
The crowd gathered 'round, yelling,
"LOVE will NEVER have a home....here!"

He kept nothing for self
As water and blood poured from His side
Speaking, to the children, truth...
The snake lied

...to enthrone your fears

................silence.............darkness

.................................deep shaking


That took humanity to the end of days
Where we heard the message loud and clear
We must engage the LOVE inside
To fight and conquer all our fears

That Daddy God is selfish and unkind
Taking and making as He pleases
Our Daddy God moves heaven and earth
To pour our gifts that releases

....chains, shackles, and all binding devices

We are free to LOVE all who lack
Holding nothing for self, yielding back
The liquid LOVE flowing upwards to Daddy God
Never alone or forsaken on any road we choose to trod

Shall we miscarry our baby
With the belief  that LOVE has spent its best
And He has no original LOVE
Only what is  left

....over


There is no such thing as leftover love
With perfect love that casts out fear
He is always pouring out on us
Trying to draw near

...for a hug

......this father, is not a thug

............He is the God, whose name is LOVE

Written by Trudy Schrader on 06-26-2019

WALKING WORDS

He walked with a swagger
Trying to be cool in his lack
He knew what people thought
He was NOT a black

...man

She limped with a drag and a thump
But her smile was a radiant light
In her presence shadows faded
'Neath everything that was good and right

...in huMANity

He was a runt, such a little pest
Running here and there, without time to rest
While Mama whacked his little bum
Between the strides of a vigorous run

...to sin

She dressed way to fast for a child
Daddy told her "Nothing good will come for the wild"
He ran to catch her as she slammed the door
She couldn't take his wayward eye any more

...for alllllll Eternity

They yell out to the Creator of all
We don't need your validation
Therefore, it is against our heart
To embrace the theory of creation

Who cares that all things living, give birth
We have the science behind the fruit
We can make without creation
Beings that GOD would dispute

...NOT REAL....NOT MINE

Glory no longer belongs to the parent
The child has risen up as lord of self
Relationship is overrated
Like knickknacks on a cedar shelf

....collecting dust


Written by Trudy Schrader on 06-23-2019

LETTING LOVE

Who is that unrecognizable figure
Plagued with such deep sorrow
Without the eternal light
To bring her into the marrow

....bone of my bone
.......flesh of my flesh

Never, in a million moments
Would I have guessed it to be this
Married to my only LOVE
Without a promise of a kiss

....just WORD
.....that creates LIFE
.............................in the depths of darkness

I was certain that it was circumstantial
A loss, a grief, a sorrow...in the natural state
After all, I'm a warrior of TRUTH
My heart is secure in HIS....my white light mate

...who has taken me
....into the depths of LOVE
............in worlds unknown, unseen

My soul and spirit are warring
For the experience of whoring...after gods
Pleasure, leisure, lust, feel good stuff
I know, beyond a reflection, I've had enough


....no value

fleeting, meeting...again, retreating, then the beating
.......the rhythm thumping a moving tune
............to dance once more, if the soul could make room

NOOOOOOO! I will not

I am still not there, and I can't act some part
Daddy God...this is my heart
I have given everything to you for LOVE's sake
May you find no backward movement, for me to take
.....what LOVE is not offering

Yielded and flowing...I will let LOVE be
....who He is IN me

written by Trudy Schrader on 06-12-2019

AGONIZING APATHY

Here I am, again
The place where it all falls apart
Where the light disappears
For the struggle of my heart

My soul yearns...for pleasure
A nice, sound, ending
To pain, suffering, inconvenience
The incessant blending

...of circumstances, truth, reality, experience

Ugh!!!

There is no freakin' reality
In this world, that can have my heart
Haven't I proven it...enough
Impatience wants to impart

...facts

Nice, another something to add
To the endless monotony of information
I'm exhausted from processing
REVELATION

I want presence...the kind I can hold
Except, experience has taught me well
The moment I possess, I can't enjoy
The passion to live in this sensational hell

Am I from here???

I believe I am a foreigner
In a land of relative friends
Having no tolerance for difference
Or learning how to blend

...without losing composure

I believe I will go to bed
Enough has been said
At least when I sleep
I have no need

...that alludes satisfaction.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 06/09/2019
   

FOLLOWING FLOW

I create illusions, definite conclusions
Of how life should go
But I give them to faith, and a double-edged blade
So I can fight with flow

Moments try to capture, ensnare with rapture
So that I cling to pleasure
But the water rushes, in weighted brushes
So that I drop my treasure
.....where eternity grows

Oh how I love sound, the innocence found
In the clear of water
Surrounded in green, without the will to mean
In the truth of being HIS daughter

Dark shadows may dart, desiring my heart
To notice their presence
But the veil hides my face, in the forbidden place
Where I bath in the essence
....of HIS grace

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05-28-2019

AVERTING OBSERVATIONS

My head hurts
Stupid weather...always changing
Pressing in on me
Iron bars, clanging, banging

.........ugh! Can't THINK

This has been on me, for days
Like water in a wicker basket
Always draining, but always there
Maybe it's me
Why are THEY on my mind
THEY are gone, and I'm left to find
Something
While THEY move on...so not fair, THEY don't even care

....to KNOW me, anymore

FATHER of LOVE
I must have peace
Lead me to the place
Where I can fully release

THEM to LOVE

What!?!
Oh no! I know that
I can see it clearly
I have averted my eyes
From them
Judging the ones I hold dearly
...to a higher standard
................than I hold myself

Forgive me, and help me pray
Through compassion so that LOVE
.....will lead the WAY
..........to peace.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05/24/2019

BEARING BARRENNESS

Married and full of hope
She dressed herself for fruit
Not knowing a war raged inside
And the enemy had taken valuable loot

Year after year she waited
As many celebrated life they'd produced
While she sat on the lonely pew
Cursing the god who let her be abused

Working with families who had no value
For the children they brought into this world
She got the sentence of death
As the greatest sorrow to a woman, unfurled

No children would ever be housed
In the womb of a raped child
The infection in her tubes
Spread like weeds, consuming life in the wild

....green pasture

Questions arose, and accusations flew
To THE god who knew
....barrenness

Unwanted, and now, unfruitful
What could this woman offer to her king
Except remnants in 12 baskets
That she can't bring to release, in the desperate cling

To touch, to hold, to see, to experience
The joy of a nursing baby
So, in the middle of the night
She ventured faith on the wings of a maybe

He heard! He answered with a yes
And gave her productive tubes
That carried His breath of life
For the opportunity to prove

...He is Daddy God
.....and she is His daughter


Written by Trudy Schrader on 05-09-2019

Note: the sorrow of barrenness is deep and abiding, but is grace is eternal :)

MY VIEW

What is this power being drained
From the vision being restrained
...in real time
I can see the blue streaks volt
As the courage to be me, bolts
...into eternity

Who is this, stealing my essence
Right here, in the very presence
...of a living GOD
Breaking through eternal white light
With the weapons and will to fight
...against LOVE

Shall I believe that HE has allowed
The destruction of land you've plowed
...in the the dark
Can His seed be destroyed through will
Of any force that dares to deal
...with the devil

I think NOT!!!

I have taken note and submitted my complaint
My Daddy God will put you in permanent restraint
...in the end
I have no need to defend or fret about my ground
His presence is here where LOVE is found
...in my heart

I am sealed by His Spirit and yielded on His alter
So even if moments of doubt cause me to falter
...in my walk
LOVE, my constant companion, steadies my pace
As I gaze upon HIS beautiful face
...and I melt

Wisdom bids me to walk on and away from the drain
Offering up, as a drink offering, all my sorrow and pain
...into the nail-scarred hands
Where no tear is lost, nor burden or task ever hidden
To the all-knowing God who is eternally driven
...to LOVE

..........HIS children, 
        ..........though it costs HIM
                    ...................His ONLY Son!

Written by Trudy Schrader on 05-03-2019

THE SPACE BETWEEN

I heard the clanging of the gate
As wonder and fear began to reverberate 
The more you opened up, I ran in
Neither of us concerned for where we had been

I had never played without terror
You had never experienced relationship without error
I washed myself in the color of your desire
You warmed your icy heart by my constant fire

I loved the endless nights of laughter
Conversations of understanding about what our hearts were after
The light shone with brilliant blue and radiant red
I hearkened and hung on every word you said

.....creek..........crack.....crap

Time rose up and cracked her whip
She raged and roared with, "What is THIS!?!"
I jumped up and ran, I ran faster than wind
She yelled, "You whore...he's mine, you will NEVER have him!"

My heart longed for that place
OH, just to be in your space, touch your hand....your face
But I kept my distance so that time could make me forget
About love and what it felt like when you lit

......my wet wood, that no one else could
.........get near
.........................touch

Time heals NOTHING!

I saw you after a long span of dreary years
I longed, still, in deep sorrow and invisible tears
You seemed happy to those who wanted to believe
But I saw your naked soul, and vowed to never leave
....the hearth of your heart

You may be married to a companion for life
She may even look like a loyal, obedient wife
But she knows you saw eternity in my eyes
That I saw your truth behind the convenient lies

Every man's heart, if mauled by a she bear
Is hidden behind briers, thorns, and tares
To prevent black widow spiders from feasting on flesh
Without pause or time to rest
.....til she wins

What!?!

No matter what matter lies between us
You are safety and rest, my forever home
You broke all of my defenses
To give me the ring of promise, I will never again, be alone.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 04-26-2019

CROOKED BOW

Lament was so excited
He had finally reached the age
Where he discovered the meaning
Of his name, so that he could gauge
....his future

As the clan gathered
Into a circle around the fire
Tears of sorrow and grief
Lined their faces, as he began to desire
....no name

His "father" spoke a truth
Nothing or no one wanted to hear
"You were left in the woods
After the battle, so we took you into our fear
...of the gods

No child is to be left alone
But you are not part of our clan
We vowed to raise you
Until this day, when you become a man
...of no land

Your name means sorrow and grief
And identifies you as a bastard child
No matter where you go
Your name will cause you rejection, like the wild
....animal without a home"

Lament picked up his belongings
And walked away with crooked bow on his back
He finally understood the why
Of  his life, always needing, and constant lack
....of basic necessities

Along his journey, he met a man
A wanderer in the desert of time
He gave him a huge bag of  goods
That would entertain, as he dealt with his mind
....of intense rage

A few years down the road
He met a woman with a red coat
Who offered him wine for sorrow
And a harp, to play out, note by note
...his grievances

By the time Lament saw the next man
He yelled out, "I can't carry anymore stuff!"
The man, in patient assurance
Asked, "So you have had enough
...of seeking your own?"

Lament laid down his burden
And walked away from all he had known
For the hope of seeing fruit
From the constant toil and struggle, in the seeds he'd sown
...throughout his journey

After decades of walking with the man
Lament was given a brand new name
His name became Isaac
Laughter, in sorrow, means he would never be the same
...bastard, as before

He found out who his true father is
He created the ground Isaac walked upon
Every moment with with the man
Strengthened and solidified, the eternal bond
...of belonging

One day, the man asked Issac
"Where is your bow that made you a man?"
He answered, "It was crooked
So I left it behind, with the clan
...who gave me my name"

Toward the end of his life
Isaac met a clan member on the road
Who shouted out, "Lament"
But Isaac didn't respond, to the name with a goad
...of rejection

He walked on....fully accepted

Written by Trudy Schrader on 04-20-2019

ARKANSAS GIRL

Like a torrent of wind
A quake shaking the ground
All of my insecurities
Topple at the rumbling sound
...of His voice

Whose presence commands
The wisest, among men
Who can lay down His life
And in three days, rise again
...to speak

The fragrance of manna
Fills every space of my being
I don't need five senses
To experience without seeing
....my LOVE

I am my beloved's, and He is mine
I'm not asking you to believe
Just letting fear know
That I am about to leave
...the natural state

Written by Trudy Schrader on 04-12-2019

OVERLOOKED

Dread clutched her throat
As captains picked their teams
Even though she had desire
She never allowed herself to dream

He watched them divide up
Into groups of ten
He was number twenty-one
It was clear, no one needed him

Friends all married and on their way
She still lived at her childhood home
No one had to tell her....overlooked
She would trudge through life, alone

Always weird, definitely different
Coworkers are like bullies on the playground
The words at recess passed with time
But the shunning in the break room, reverberates the silent sound

Out of all the people one could have picked
No one would even notice the throng below the idols
Stepped on, used as ladder rungs 
So the important can ride the stallion with bejeweled bridles 
....to the OVERLOOK

Position is everything
In a system that values power
But humility accepts the position
Without the compulsion to cower
...to man

Written by Trudy Schrader on 04-11-2019

Note: I felt overlooked for most of my life, until Daddy God showed me that HE overSEES everything that concerns me. I don't always like where He has led me, but I would not change a thing....and I am eternally grateful :)

TAMING TYRANNY

She watched, in horror
As the man hit the nail
The hammer was an enemy
The best she could tell

She observed a child
Emulate his father
With a tiny thwack
He hit another man's daughter

She heard the familiar sound
Of bang, bang, bang, as she began to run
Faster, Faster, til it blast her
Into a different place of...fun

She didn't have to create
Or invent the iron fence
Her senses were sharp and quick
To come, unbidden, to her defense

She gathered tools in her box
As everyone else her age
But she was rejected and belittled
Because she was missing a sage

No one just gathers tools in a box
And decides to use them at will
They must acquire knowledge
From an expert, it's part of the deal

.....of being a human

She was a prolific gardener
Even without the proper use of tools
Which infuriated the "right" folk
Who found it easy to be dismissive and cruel

Those who watched her
Saw her build connections
That outlasted violent storms
Of rebellious insurrections

Against the love
That enveloped her splintered soul
It took decades of invested loss
But eventually, her broken, became whole

She was granted a husband
And children to raise well
She decided to eliminate
Fear from the tools she held

She never noticed her children had gain
Where she had experienced loss
She just continued to walk it out
With her heavy, burdensome cross

One day, she saw the hammer
Lying in their box of tools
She realized her "ab" use
Of not adhering to the rules

....of building love in connection
............took the hammer in hand
.....................and tamed the tyranny of the insurrection.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 03-17-2019


Note: Today, I have found freedom on a whole new level :)

DELINEATING DESIRE

So, I went to this place, where everyone had a familiar face
But at the moment of connection, I experienced an abrupt correction
So, I turned and walked away
Oh, they smiled and played, til I got in their way
They grimaced at my informed premise
That LOVE was welcome to stay
....in a room

I moved with a glide, to see all the people inside
A reality of familiar lies, that the majority buys
With ease and great pleasure
Every time I drew near to intently hear
Reason, no matter what growth season
I longed to know and treasure
...LOVE was pushed out of the room

But I came to the final straw, when spring arrived to thaw
Coagulated desire, that only needed a roaring fire
To rekindled my "old ways" lack
After I tried to engage, on an uncomfortable stage
I moved to privacy with covers, to lay down with my lovers
But saw a rat, and took a step back
...to see my people

From the bottom of my soul, a cry out, healed the hole
Created by half-baked lies, offered to divide
Self from acceptable practice
A bright light shone through, the space between belief and do
Revealing framed gaps, where injured chaps
Walked thin wooden lattice
....to avoid linear people

NO, logic is no friend, to those who choose to bend
Obvious truth to color and suit
The agenda of every climbing member
Don't they know that height will never make right
The lazy desire they've accept just to avoid being rejected
By the majority that will maim and dismember
....the people at the top

The fall is greater from the top...and oh, how the mighty have fallen

Written by Trudy Schrader on 03-07-2019

GROWNUP GRUB

That place, that empty space
Where the darkness grows deep and drear 
Movement is slow, with nowhere to go
But initiative is too low to get you out of ...here

If you could know "here" by finding "near"
A location could guide you to a ....figment of the imagination
This mind, this incredible, stupid, mind, that keeps me blind
From daring to move toward productive investigation

Wait! I've been here before...there's a hidden door
I just have to think my way straight past all the delusional gates

How is that possible, fighting illness in the midst of this stillness
And circumstances rising up like a fortress all around
It has to do will feeling and what kind of hope I'm reeling
In the dark hour of sensing I am bound....

AH! Yes!    I am found

LOVE is my reminder, my darkest abyss finder 
That transition births a baby through a narrow ring
And that the pressure without measure
Is necessary to deliver process, through the mess, that created the thing

...in the first place


Written by Trudy Schrader on 02-24-2019

Note: Anytime we, as faith walkers, are about to be transitioned into new territory, all of the sensing world will build pressure around us, so that at the exact moment when all light seems to be shielded from us, we BURST forth into a new experience. The process is difficult, and will cost the believer everything!

PATTERNED PATRONS

Oh, what a beautiful tree
With glistening leaves
I wonder if it has fruit
That will cause me to believe
...again

Wow! What a tall building
It ascends into the sky
I wonder if it contains answers
That will tell my why information flies
...upward

What on earth is that
What is that thing man is building
Claiming water is coming
To the object his GOD is gilding
...outside the box

It looks like a tree on the surface
With branches and roots running deep and wide
But it looks like a building
Once you take the courage to step inside
...to learn

The structure is invisible to sight
But the sighted choose to be blind
They rail on and on, boasting of freedom
While setting bound in a double bind
...of methodology

What River of Life can float
A tugboat made for launching liners
Into an Ocean of the abyss
Where patterned patrons worship diviners
...of magic

Systems, Systems, ever climbing systems
Of powerful knowledge, how can puppets resist 'em
I wonder if silencing the five senses
Will fit us with lenses
...to KNOW

Truth

Written by Trudy Schrader on 02-15-2019

THE UNKNOWN FIGURE

When we first met
Your light blinded my senses
I got too close
When your presence obliterated my fences

No boundaries with you
Your fragrance made me tired
As your promise of passion
Got my furnace all fired
....up

Up, Up, Up to your face
Of  golden beauty
Causing me to forget
My marital duty

Promises, Promises
Just words spoken on a rainy day
But this is real, because I can feel
All that my flesh wants to say
...downward

Wait, where am I
What are these silky threads
That are so soft
My heart presses my mind to dread

The sleep has waned to a stupor
And my legs are wobbly with lack
What brought me to this...place
I don't think I can get back
...on track

Oh, there is no track
I'll just lie down for a while
"GET up you sluggard!
Your husband knows you're defiled!"

My body becomes limp
With every try to stand erect
The threads grow tighter
And burden my elect
...tion, shunned
............what have I DONE!

MY LORD...WHAT HAVE I DONE

JESUS! PLEASE COME

That cry, that Tehillah cry
Brought down Daddy God
Who knew all along
That THIS road I must trod

So that the lies of wrong vs right
Would never persuade me again
Because the long and short of "sin"
Is doing anything without HIM

The reason HE is in charge
Is because HE walked the way out of hell
When I chose to yell and expel the enemy 
I walked out as well, now I am charged to tell
....YELL HIS NAME

HIS EARS HEAR
His arms are infinitely lengthened
His LOVE is all encompassing
To find His children and strengthen
....the heart to FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!


Written by Trudy Schrader on 02-09-2019

Note: A tehillah praise is a yielded heart cry that reaches a LOVING God from a place of complete dependence. I can't count the times, when in the night, I have said, "JESUS!" What I find, every time, is that He is the overseer, pulling out of me, strength, and resilience I was unaware of, and it can only be found IN Him. Oh, and the first time I heard of this type of cry, was listening to Tommy Bates. That message is on YouTube. Check it out.

CRACKed CHILDREN

It happened so young
They were just having fun
When she touched there
With tender loving care

...ok

He would come in at night
To tuck them in tight
But with a tiny little crack
She became aware of the sack

...ow!

Always lingering on the line
That something important was left behind
He trudged through life
Avoiding the commitment to his wife

...oh?

She was so angry all the time
With dialogues racing in her mind
The gate was barred long ago
When she found a secret that no one WANTED to know

...so!!!???!!!!

Age does funny things to living
Attracting all the gunk that was givin'
Moments become pools of sorrow
Eventually, there will be no tomorrow

...go!

.....................for Pity's Sake, 
                           will you go away!

Hope was offered along the way
Great gifts of joy, found no place to stay
Suffering became the walls of a home
Where waste and want wrote....ALONE!!!!

....and they believed.


Written by Trudy Schrader on 01-28-2019

Note: I believe LOVE is the most powerful force in the universe, and there is nothing or no one beyond the touch of LOVE; however, when NO! is the response of the soul, there is nothing you can do, but release, and let them go. 

STAYING IN THE STRUGGLE

A while back I left meaning
At the river bank of seeming
And gathered myself to trust
Dark and light
I learned how to fight
By giving my faith to LOVE

He took me deep and wide
Cleaning all I longed to hide
'Neath the sheath of TRUTH
The fire was roaring
And I began soaring
As the chains of deception were loosed

Down, up, over, under
The lightening struck and I felt HIS voice THUNDER
Shaking the foundation of my soul
I yielded to the push and pull
Wanting to be wise in spite of being a fool
To the world system of structured holes

For so long, my eyes were fixed
On the laying of the bricks
To see how it all works
The wrong tends to rise
In the systems we devise
.....quirks, quirks, and more quirks

What on earth made us believe
That we could keep what we receive
And do whatever it takes to ensure entitlements never leave
OUR FILTHY GRUBBY HANDS

UGH! I am so tired of the struggle
...I want, I need, I should have, I'm not happy with what I have
...........I should have alllllll I want, when I want it, and
....................GOD, you should want me to have it.

There! I said it!

So, if I continue with LOVE
I get the blessings others aren't aware of
Enjoying intimacy so deep my heart swells in capacity
Or, I can lay the struggle down
And try to keep all the temporal things I have found
In the accepted veracity
    ...of fallen men

Yesterday, the answer was clear
But today, my friend, I am here
In the thick red clay...that clings to my boots
Although I walk in peace
Matter tries to stick where the Spirit gives release
So I can allow enemies to believe they have valuable loot
....I worked hard to gain

No...it was given..and I will let it go.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 01-22-2019

HIGH RISE

Poor folk line the bottom floor
While the educated are in the middle
Because the rich MUST tip the top
So they can condescend to the little

Oh, I'm not being judgmental
I have been up and I have been down
I have been in many positions all around
When I decided to stay on the ground

....floor, and struggle no more

What is so confounded important
At the top that isn't at the base
A value, a belief, a position...power
That declares one has finally located a place

.....in the grid

I suppose, most don't know a truth
There are supporting beams only
And the way to stumble upon this knowledge
Is by falling through the gaps of lonely

In the building of the HIGH RISE
The one thing you avoid, is alone
You wants groups, clusters, gangs
That think and act the same, in their home

I've always been alone, so I can see
The system, the pressure, the lack
And what I have found is that lies
Will always pay you back

....for believing, and receiving 
      ........any and all rewards

Nope! No HIGH RISE for me
I have chosen to be
.....free

..............from all encumbrances.

Guess that means, no promotion!

Written by Trudy Schrader on 01-08-2019

THE GRID

A mother of eight
Left to raise them on her own
Damn that man...for dying
And leaving her lost, alone

A soldier of valor
Stood his ground in the face of fear
Now, he is court marshaled
For the lies they wanted to hear

A child hides in a closet
Hearing every thwack of the belt
Fighting the concern welling up
To be experienced, processed, felt

.......no grid

Pain beyond measure
Racks the prisoner of war
Trying to get through the moment
Til there will be no more

.......breath

Relief doesn't come
In fact, it builds and festers
Til the filters, ideals, beliefs
Are sequestered

.......to show themselves

and .........Give an account

to WHO?????

If one has no reason
And finds no need to question
Life is just a series of events
A journey without suggestion

Hmmm....what's that like?

Written by Trudy Schrader on 01-06-2019

Note: I have always had a grid. My encounter with TRUTH at 18 months set my path. Here I am now, faced with a truth I had never considered...it's a gift; therefore, compassion is necessary for understanding. I hope I have entered into the Grid deep enough to provide insight.

I'M NOT YOURS

Rejected, yet restored
I walk on, away from the hurt
Deciding to fly upwards
Away from the soil of the earth

Vision is eternal
While dreams build and acquire
Nothing temporal
Could ever ignite my fire

My heart beats for LOVE
My soul yearns for His presence
Together we will build connections
In the manna of His essence

Groups here and there
Gather and push me out
LOVE reeks havoc with peace
At the table of fear and doubt

I see long tubes extend
Trying to siphon my power
But my identity is sealed
In His heart til the final hour

No one can command me
But the man who died so that I can live
It is my reasonable service
To let go, and give
...........all LOVE
          ........back to HIM

Written by Trudy Schrader on 01-06-2019