LEAST DESIRABLE CALLING

Noticed (google)

     I'm going to be open and candid with this post. Above all, I wanted influence. Not just influence, but for important people to affirm me, be associated with me, connected with me. Look at T.D Jakes. He didn't begin with fame, fortune, and the power to change lives. As with anyone "coming up," he had massive trials, still is, if you follow the news. However, the end of the story is supposed to be bad first, reward later, with people on the outside, not knowing all the struggles you endured to get to THE place God called you to.
     Call me crazy, but I've always had a problem with this. As it is with any dream, the "coming up" is the real story. The being rewarded is the icing on the cake. What if I told you, that many "come up," but find that they have no natural reward. No one whisks them into the spotlight, or makes everything all work out. In Hebrews 11, the writer gives a list of the faithful servants who were well known to the people, but then, in vs. 35, he launches into the point, "...others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison... (vs. 39) These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised." Because we live in time, when we hear God's voice, it's natural to put a time "frame" on it. Why? We want to know that if we must suffer, we at least get a payoff. Just because we follow Jesus doesn't mean we have been magicked into a nonhuman, super spiritual, arrived at enlightenment being. Believe me, when the flesh cries out, it means to get relief.

Unnoticed (google)

     So, I have journeyed long and hard, running after my deliverer. Whatever He has required of me, grace has allowed me to function within the moment with Love. Still, it was like a shadow was behind me, trying to take over my vision. In my "coming up," I despised power, because the authority that had it, found it more pleasing to the flesh, to strip me naked and beat me rather than nurture me and help me grow. I have never wanted power or authority. My heart has always been to restore, renew and grow people. I just thought it would be in a more noticeable way, rather than God given moment by moment appointments in which privacy was paramount. So then, I started saying something really stupid and desperate, "I work CIA for Jesus." Isn't the whole point of CIA, secrecy? I just wanted people to know, I'm not a loser. Yea, I don't have a natural job that generates income. My car was repossessed. I have too many natural and spiritual circumstances to voice. But, you gotta know, I really am walking by faith, and even if it looks like I am a failure, God is working.
      I've had many jobs thus far, but none are comparable to mothering. I flipped out with joy when one of my boys decided to play a game with me on Facebook. Of course, two weeks later, he is no longer interested. But the moments of being a person to my child were sacred. They are treasures in my heart. I have found that it is not what you do, as a mother, FOR your child, that has an impact on them. It is being available. That's it. No frills, no tangible rewards, no kudos, but the benefit of that simple calling, is insurmountable. When a child knows they are covered, that one or more parent will always be available (physically, emotionally, spiritually), the child grows up with a peace that can't be possessed in the trials and sufferings of this life.

Available (google)

     So, as I laid on my bed last night, arguing, struggling with the spirit within me, I finally came to accept and be at peace with my calling. I had to redefine power. The Holy Spirit asks, "Are you committed to seeing His children free from fear, at peace and in their right mind?" I answered, without hesitation, "Yes!" "That requires power. Remember, you don't fight, Jesus fights. You are called to be available and to cooperate." That's it? Really? There's no re....ohhhh! Once again, I'm led to a walk that is powerful with great authority, but no one will even be aware of my sufferings or the great reward I have in just walking with Jesus. I don't get a front row seat in watching Him work; I rest in Him while He works. How cool is that?
     There are so many of His children, who are serving in the open. God knows the heart, and He alone is the righteous judge. But I'm here to tell you, if you settle for your reward here, enjoy it. You can't have a natural reward and a spiritual reward. It is a choice. Right now I can hear all the justifications. The old testament natural blessings on His servants were to identify them, set them apart from the world. They predicated the spiritual blessings that the new testament saints would experience. So many died, and were never mentioned in stories or books. The only requirement for every follower/disciple of Jesus is to be available and cooperate, so that the reward we receive can be lain at His feet. If that ruffles your feathers, then you haven't went deep enough with Jesus to lay hold of His sufferings. He alone, is our reward. Remember, all of humanity's sentence, because of the Fall, is death in the presence of a Holy, Almighty God. The idea that He even thought of us, was gracious, but that He planned and carried out the Crucifixion of His only Son, that's Him being Daddy God. He means to have all of His children home...at any cost.