FINDING WILL

King Wilburg (google)

     Wilburg was the first born of a King. From the moment he drew his first breath, the grooming process began. Oh, there was time for play, but it was very limited, and organized with purpose in every game chosen and learned. Will had a sister and a brother. His sister wasn't important, and his brother was non existent. However, throughout the years, as Will watched Paul grow and gain a life of his own, a little tiny seed of envy took root and began to grow.
     Since Paul didn't matter to his family or his country, he used the benefits of being royalty to travel the world. Will traveled too, but always on a schedule with an agenda. Play, never seemed to be part of his itinerary. Paul decided, when he was done with education in his country, that he would travel to "The Land of the Free," to study science. Although his country had medical facilities and medicine for the sick, the practices seemed outdated and irrelevant. Paul wanted to be a medical doctor since he realized no one cared what he did.
      When Will and Paul's father died suddenly, from colon cancer, Paul was more determined than ever to finish his education, and if he could, find a cure for cancer. Paul was unaware of Will's envy. He assumed that funding would continue as usual. One of the first things Wilburg enacted was a law that would no longer allow citizens to study abroad. All monies should be focused inward rather than flitting it about, growing other nations larger. He believed that studying abroad devalued the education of the very nation they were supposed to represent. Paul was dumbfounded. He immediately spoke to the Dean of Students at the university.
       The Dean said that with him being royalty, he would have to gain permission from his King to become a citizen of the "The Land of the Free." Paul knew....yet he was so close to a break through in his research. He only had a year left, and he would be a full fledged doctor in his new homeland. He knew the outcome before he even asked for permission. Still, he had to try. He gathered recommendations from several outstanding individuals in government, the science community, and the university. It was as though the very carefully, thought out, and articulated words were sand in the wind. Paul was to return to his country immediately. If he refused, he would never be welcome in his country again. All benefits would be cut off and he would no longer have the identity as royalty, but fugitive....a non compliant.

Paul (google)

        Wilburg (no longer Will) was certain that he was doing the right thing. If their father died of cancer, there was a possibility, he had learned, that he could too. He wasn't trying to ruin Paul's life. He was simply trying to rein him in, make a king out of him, just in case. His sister was married to her king from a very small neighboring country. He was simply covering his bases....but then, there was that hint of satisfaction lingering in the background. Maybe, with his brother home, he might get to make a few choices for himself.
         Unfortunately, for Wilburg, Paul didn't choose family and country. He chose noncompliance at a huge cost that Wilburg couldn't understand or comprehend as anything someone would desire. The Dean of Students began the process of helping Paul become a citizen, gain employment, and finish his education. The roadblocks were at every turn. It would seem that "The Land of the Free," was only that to those who have permission to be in the country. He could neither move forward nor go back. He was in a place of "non choice." Horrible!!! Before this, he was unaware of what makes freedom possible.
          In Paul's homeland, he was taught that all governed people must comply with the King's order. His country was small, so the citizens were generally happy people. There had never been a coup, not even war. Paul had never considered his country as unique or rare until he saw the bloodbaths that lined the history of other countries. Had he known before his decision, had he studied the "system" of the "free country," he would have went home and tried to work it out with his king. As it was, he couldn't be even a lowly, desperate refugee.  In the free land, he was an "illegal." In his homeland, he was a criminal, a man in opposition to the law, his family, and his land. His friends and professors abandoned him, because to "house" him was to be in opposition to their law. They really had no choice, he had to return to his homeland, which would mean his death.

Choice (google)

          The guard met him at the airport. They handcuffed him, and took him, immediately to the King. Wilburg hadn't slept since his brother had made his decision, because unlike, Paul, Wilburg was well versed in law. He made it a point to study the laws governing citizenship in the "The Land of the Free." Funny how ''freedom" is an illusion. There is always a price. Their conversation was short and to the point. Wilburg said, "Your choice has made me King." Paul answered, "Your choice made me non existent. No one wins. Not even free will."
            Not all stories have a desirable outcome. This one did not. Paul was put to death by a firing squad. Wilburg was left with the reality that his choice led to the death of his brother and the end of peace. The country engaged in civil war because the people loved Paul and decided their King was unjust. The people adopted the new form of government of democracy and elected a president. Paul's choice left him without country, throne,family, and eventually, his life.
             For both, choice was no more than habit, ritual, slavery. Paul was no freer than Wilburg, blind to value for the love of desire. Strange how "free will" requires two things: a preference in the place difference, and a command from authority that "one" is forbidden. Why on earth, would a loving God do that to His creation? Your answer depends on your perspective. Your perspective depends on where you are in the growth process of "Knowing Love."

PULLING UP ROOTS

     This is going to be short, sweet, and to the point. The Holy Spirit gave me this more than a year ago. I have not been allowed to share it publicly until now. That's always encouraging to me, because it means that Love is on the move, always growing fruit. God's Word is Truth and Life. Honestly, I had no idea that this key was there all along. I pray that you invite the Holy Spirit to point to roots of fear, have the courage to ask the question, receive Truth, and find freedom from anything covering up the color of Love in your life. For me, when I saw my root, it was so obvious why I worked so hard to keep busy, never slowing down, never being able to "enjoy" living. The freedom is worth the hell I went through to find my Pearl of Great Price.

LOVE WITHOUT FEAR (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)


LOVE IS                                           FEAR IS                               FRUIT 

Patient                                               Not Lovable                        Busy/Unavailable
Kind                                                  My Love is Evil                  Destruction
Does Not Envy                                 Entitlement                          Ambitious
Does Not Boast                                Ignored                                Glory
Is Not Proud                                     No Nurturing                       Self Reliance
Is Not Rude                                      Lack                                     Stealing
Is Not Self Seeking                          Empty Well                          Hording
Not Easily Angered                         Not Understood                    Rage
Keeps No Record of Wrongs           Forgotten                              Unforgiveness
Doesn't Delight in Evil                     No Justice                             Retribution/Vengeance
Rejoices in Truth                              Perspective is god                 Bondage
Always Protects                                Betrayal                                Bitterness
Always Trusts                                   No Anchor                            Isolation
Always Hopes                                  The Abyss/Unknown            Depression
Always Perseveres                            Failure                                  Suicide
Never Fails                                        Doubt                                   Unbelief

     Sorry about my columns being wonky. I'm no expert at computer stuff. Just so you know, the list doesn't make any sense. There's a reason for that. Those who are seeking Truth, the fruit will hit you in the head, then go backwards. Once the Holy Spirit reveals the lie that created the belief, you will see how it is in opposition to the Love that is already in your heart, blocking the Light of that Truth from shining out. For me, my fruit was busy, not present, unavailable. I lived as a functioning individual, but I couldn't be relational. So, my fear was, "I'm not lovable." Patience did not come until I found that Jesus had time for my journey. I was not a "function" in His Body. I'm someone He longs to know. That's not something you can be told. It is something you have to experience. Only intimacy can bring you to Truth...which is being naked, flaws and all, without shame. Oh, and you can have more than one. I had them all, and nearly came to unbelief during depression and suicidal ideations. Praise God, Love never fails. He brought me through. Never give up Hope.                                  

The Bending

Lies Humanity Believes About God


 1.  God is a Trickster                                                    Gen 3:1
 2.  The Word is a Liar                                                   Gen 3:6
 3.  God is loves Judgment                                             Gen 3:14
 4.  God is a Punisher                                                     Gen 4:13
 5.  God is a Spy                                                             Gen 6:5
 6.  God can Err                                                              Gen 6:6
 7.  God demands perfect obedience                              Gen 6: 14
 8.  God is the Destroyer                                                Gen 7:10
 9.  God's Covenant is an Illusion of Choice                  Gen 9:9
10. God is a Puppeteer                                                    Gen 11:7
11. God condones slavery                                               Gen 9:24
12. God will dupe humanity in the end                           Gen 16:2


      With every interaction humanity has had with God, one lie built upon another, thereby, creating the world we live in and are trying to master. God created The world/universe and all that is alive in it, but man has created the bonds of slavery by trying to relate to God and each other with fear (self-preservation) and (entitlement). The Kingdom of Love is an unseen Kingdom that dwells among men, causing hope to glimpse freedom from bondage and peace with God and Man. I know this is a short entry, but I want to invite you to ask God, "Am I in agreement with any of these lies/accusations against you? If so, led me to the root, prune the fruit, and cause me to KNOW TRUTH." Truth is a person. His name is Word and every Word He speaks is Truth, not because a lie existed, but because whatever He speaks is perfect, changing whatever was to what is. Saints of God must conquer fear through Love. No fear can enter The City. Prayers for all.                                            

GOD'S QUESTION

In the Garden of Eden
Where wrong and right do exists
Set two trees of beauty...choice
But only one, must man resist

One has already been chosen
Giving humanity, this world of sin
So, choosing the other
Is where our journey begins

We all know the story
Pride tells us to judge and fear
But if right and wrong existed
It was difference that brought it here

Why would He create difference
If He wanted choice to be SAME
He, the Lamb, slain 
Before the foundation of our Earth was lain

Did He intend us to fail
That is too cruel for a loving father
Even worse, to place blame of sin
On a deceived, very hungry, daughter

~I have forgotten myself...the Other Tree~

It must have been hideous
Undesirable at best
To be so drawn to the other
And leave "Eternal Life" to rest

The choice was never about the trees
But His heart wanting to know
Intention geared toward service
Or a heart devoted to flow

The demand for outcome
Made a casing of skin
Held in the bondage of fear
To keep love hidden within

What was so repulsive about LIFE
I really want to give them an out
What on the Earth
Could bring them to coddle...doubt

.............................against LOVE..................

Feelings and Reason laid down truth
Belief embraced the fruit of fear
The Lamb laid bare, the tree
As LOVE drew us near

Listen...can you hear....His heart
It beats to wrap humanity in LOVE without fear
When we choose the other tree...His heart, not His mind
We leave fear and doubt behind, and flow with LOVE , touching lives and drying tears

Can God have a question
As a parent, I, myself, always want to know
When my sons are grown and gone
Will they return to LOVE, wanting to relate, rather than show

  ....accomplishments...


Written by Trudy Schrader on 10-03-2016

Note: Just got through reading Ted Dekker's book, "A.D. 33," where he proclaims that you can not see your true identity in Christ until all other identities have been surrendered. This really struck me, because I have made my whole life about being anyone other than who I am. The surrendering of the one tree...the notion that one can do right and wrong (legalism), in order to see the Eternal Life (Love without fear) offered by the other, means giving up the belief that I can be anyone other than who I am. Impossible, until Jesus won my heart, all of it, fair and square. Now, there is no one I want to be, but me.

COMFORTER LIES

Uncle Tom (google)

     Eddie was a daddy's boy, at least, he wanted to be. He went with his dad everywhere, when Ted would allow him to tag along. Ted was a truck driver. His hours on the road were long and arduous. When he got home, he wanted rest and relaxation, not a yammering kid asking questions, crying, complaining, etc. Ted was never mean to Eddie, in deed, but in time, Eddie knew his dad took no pleasure in being with him.
     Ted had a brother, named Tom. Uncle Tom hung out with Liz and the kids pretty much every day. He was a lot younger than Ted. In fact, he had just graduated high school and was in limbo with future decisions. He continued living with his mother, just down the way, on the same property, and saw it as his personal duty to help Liz with her children while Ted was away.
       Tom was the one who came to take Eddie fishing, walking, riding bikes, etc. If he was going to the store, Tom would pick Eddie up just for the joy of being in his company. Little Eddie began to look at Uncle Tom as the dad he desired. Ted began to see the bond, and felt a tug at his heart, but told himself, "Better stay clear of Liz. That's all I care about." Even though Eddie had a very present dad in body, he was fatherless all the same.
      Eddie loved Spiderman. Spiderman could do anything. The best thing about his hero, he loved to rescue people. Eddie was a tender-hearted boy. Although he would fish with Uncle Tom without a thought for a fish, he would turn into an inconsolable baby when Ted would return from hunting with a rabbit or a deer.  Eddie had a pure heart, one that wished no ill will toward any living thing. Spiderman never hurt anyone, but he sure did give them bad guys their "come uppins." Uncle Tom knew how much Eddie loved Spiderman, so for his 6th birthday, he bought him a Spiderman Comforter. It was bigger than a blanket, soft, and well, comforting.

Spidey (google)

      Throughout the years, the comforter grew worn and tatty. Liz could barely get it away from Eddie twice a year for a good washing. Even, when Eddie left for college, he insisted on bringing "Spidey" with him. Three days before Eddie graduated from college with a degree in Veterinary Science, Uncle Tom was in a head on collision, dying instantly upon impact. Eddie wrapped himself up in "Spidey," and didn't emerge for years.
        As it is with loss, there is a grief cycle to go through. Eddie believed that as long as he had "Spidey," Uncle Tom wasn't gone. Eddie got his degree, obtained a job, floated through life a puff of smoke. Liz was almost concerned about his lack of feeling, but told herself Eddie was ok. After all, for all intents and purpose, he was successful....with home, job, car, nice things...but no friends??? Hmm. People looking on would assume he had tons of friends and close bonds with others,because Eddie was so kind, friendly, and compassionate toward people and pets.
        When Eddie was 28, Liz and Ted went through divorce. All of the kids were grown and gone, leaving an empty nest that no longer brought warmth or comfort. Liz's family lived in the neighboring state, so she packed up and moved closer to her family. Ted sold the home without even considering that Eddie might want the home. The loss broke the dam. Eddie couldn't even remember stepping off the bridge. He came to himself in a hospital bed located in a "Mental Health" facility. He was disgusted with himself and demanded to be discharged, immediately. He was belligerent for two weeks, vacillating between silence and rage.

Love w/o fear (google)

     One day, Eddie's psychiatrist asked a question that took him back to the space that made the dam. He asked, "How do you remember your dad?" Eddie struggled, for what seemed like hours. He couldn't pinpoint who his "DAD" was. His doctor saw him struggling, and asked, "Who is your biological dad?" That was the question that opened up the dilemma. After 3 years of counseling, Eddie laid down "Spidey," and walked away.
          I would love to say that Eddie went on to marry, have several children, etc,, in short, lived happily ever after. However, that would be a worse lie than the comforter Eddie chose to wrap himself up in. The truth is, Eddie had to learn to live with ever changing circumstances without allowing the loss of people and things taking away "self" with their leaving.
          The moral of this story: All comforts are neutral until "meaning" is assigned to them. We dare not assign a meaning that gives inordinate power to inanimate objects or allow the connection with another soul, the right to rip ours of its hinges.  

AWAITING WHO AWAITS

There she is, waiting at the gate
For all the tired, excuses, of why I'm late
Her cup of tea and plate of treats
And a pan of cool water for my aching feet

I will not hold my tongue this time
This can't be all I get at the line
All the loss far out weighs the gain
I will not smile because my flesh is slain

I think I did it wrong...look at the others
They struggled, but just look at their reward
They have treasures, trinkets and glory
That I will never have the money to afford

She beacons me across the line
So I reached out for her hand
Then I saw what can not be perceived
While living on land

There's a rule here, to take to heart
You will always end up where you start
Lovers of pleasures and avoiders of pain
Have nothing to lose and nothing to gain

Caught up in a race that ends at the line
Leaves no senses for the divine
Short sided and fancy free
Parading about their prosperity

I smile as I look out and over the line
Knowing now, process is the prize
Breathing in and believing out
Releases the bondage of soulish ties

Even on the other side, I'm empty
But His glory is full and I'm in it
It is an honor to have ran a race
Where LOVE is the beginning, middle, and finish.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 08-19-2016

FINDING PEARLS

I stumbled upon you
When I was child, at play
I could hold you, mold you
And make you say

Whatever I thought
Would make them smile
Funny was good, but hope
Took them, an extra mile

When I was a teen, I tried
To make you say a truth
But no one had ears
For a powerless youth

Education freed a group
Locked away in a prison
That pricked some ears
To finally listen

Attention frightened me
So I joined you behind the bars
Within the safety of the box
You began to examine my scars

Shame held me tight
As you fought to pull it away
But my ideas of self
Asked Shame to stay

You abandoned the struggle
And began to dance a jig
The music lightened my heart
As I took a shovel, to dig

A way out, I had to get out
The walls seemed to be moving in
If only I knew the way
I would know where to begin

You gathered at the gate
Light shone through the lock
It was open...
All I had to do was push, and walk

You continued to dance
Around my awkward pace
Assuring me, fast isn't important
In this purifying race

Instead of going up, to light
You took me deeper still
To a dungeon for dragons
Where I could find my "real"

When I saw the beast
I shrieked with fear
I wanted to run...
But Love drew me near

It was an invisible force
That possessed my soul
Your broken visage
Held my whole

Those eyes, oh the wonder
That lies within, your sorrow
I cared for nothing
But bringing you into my marrow

You were me, and I you
Hidden away in the dark
Fire in your belly, gone
But unity brought a spark

In time you got up, began to walk
Prance around in the black
Chains of suffering gone
Still locked in bondange of lack

One day, our building shook
As we watched the walls come down
Light burned our eyes
Revealing we were no longer bound

Your wings began to flap
And I knew you had to go
I watched you fly away
And my words lost their flow

Here I am, today
Looking for the fire to burn
Longing for our dance
That made Word turn

Look at me again, not a glance
Peer into my soul
And take me to your Heaven
Where Word and Deed can show

            LOVE.....

Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-23-2016

Note: I have an ongoing love affair with words. They have been friend, foe, lover, healer, hater, stealer...you name it, we've been their together. Whatever Word revealed, I worked it til it became part of me. I can't be without Word. He is my heart, mind, and soul. Didja see that? I'm not nearly as clever as I think I am :)

SUSTAINING GRACE:Song of the Tares

No one wants sustaining grace, Jesus
Or haven't you heard
That is not the system
Whereby we observe
          .....diety

We have grown accustom
To trouble and despair
Then, when we are about to break,
Bam, you are suddenly there
          .....saving the day

Deep truths are too hard
To eat, they are bitter
We like sweet treats
That we grow fat to consider
          .....the goodness of god

Don't get me wrong, we work
We labor to draw beautiful images
Where outsiders can gaze upon success
And find that HOPE is limitless
           .......with god

We don't earn the Promised land
Your grace bought that long ago
So what's wrong with gaining pleasure,
Avoiding pain, in the process of coming to know
            .......you love

We love this life, it's not bad for hell
A prerequisite for the eternal reign 
Let the uninformed enjoy their suffering
We have our own glory to gain
           ......so our fruit will be plenty

Ha! Some of the little babies
Have yet to share the "good news" once
But us, we will have libraries of books
To present you for all the good we have done
             .....for god, of course

Yes, the condition of the Earth, is bad
But we have a hope beyond the blue
We know that very soon, the Rapture
Will come, and we will finally "see" you
             ......to gain our crown

While others panic, and cry out
"Seek the Lord our God for mercy"
Our knees will not bow
To the enemy, terrorizing the nursery
            ....babies don't endure

Because of your gift, Jesus
We will stand upright and declare
Religion and Images have saved us
When the Sustaining Grace came to share
             .......the freedom of your Love.

All authority has been given by God
We possess the promise in our closed hands
We own all that we have purchased
And hold it over the simpleton who will never understand
              .......power holds might.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 07-08-2016


Note: I have found, in this long ordeal, that very few want to walk with me, and even less want to pray for me. Some have even accused me of "not getting it." Oh, I get it, and this poem shows what I have come to know. That all the "Hall of Famers" in the Bible can't hold a candle to the saints who suffered everything asked of them in pursuit of God, in silence, and no recognition was ever given. In Heaven, God knows every child's name and loves them with his never failing love, and is no respecter of persons.

GETTING IT STRAIGHT

Dry river bank (google)

         Just before I left for Restoration Village, God showed me a dry, withered stump, right by the River of Life. I bowed down next to the stump and in my heart, asked the question, "How?" The Spirit answered, "The root system is clogged up with debris and the River can not run through the system...it trickles." I had no idea, that that stump was...me...not Lee. How could I be completely restored, but dry to the point of life being completely without nutrients? This has been the longest, most winding, unfolding journey one could ever embark upon...never finished.
        What was restored in me was the splintered parts of my emotional being. They were far from being healthy, but they were all a part of the stump...no more lumps on the outside. Then, when I was at Restoration Village, the Spirit of God delivered me from 4 demonic attachments (Pride/Deceit and Lust/Shame). They are sets of twins who work together to keep the individual ensnared...like the belief that Christians can't have demons...to admit you have some nullifies the idea that you are "christian." By the time I left there to come to this home, I was ready for intense training. The love that "Mama God" showed me through David and Beverly, invited me to open my heart to God through relationship. No one, except my children, had enjoyed my heart, before then. The core person, Trudy, was hidden in Jesus, since the first time I saw Him at 18 months.
      When I got to this house, on the very first night, a man approached me, wanting to use my phone, and then wanting to enter my home. I had to fight him, in the natural, by calling the police. I didn't know that there was a "Squatter" on my newly acquired territory. His name is Deception. How is it that God can bring me to a home where the sellers paid all my closing costs, even though it appraised for $6,000 less than the asking price, came completely furnished, and I got my earnest money back, but there is NO WAY, that same god can protect me from harm? So, from 2009 to 2014, the Deception grew and took the shape of a man with a Northface jacket on. Why? Because my belief system was in opposition to Truth about my Inheritance and my calling.

Avoidance Walk (google)

       If that wasn't enough, then we had to face that fact that I had never known love, not even at Restoration Village, without Deprivation, twisting the connections. Once I found out that Deprivation has entrance through rape, I was so angry with God....crying "Foul! Not Just!" To that, the Spirit asks me, "Do all have a way of escape?" In hesitation, but assurance, and humility, I had to answer, "Yes, Grace is the Way out for all who will follow." I mourned over that one for a good long while, wondering, then how will I know love? "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus....sweetest name I know...fills my every longing...keeps me singing as I go."
        My goodness, how Jesus showed up, taking me ever deeper into His ocean...every new level requiring the abolition of previously held fears and defense mechanisms. By 2014, I had found freedom from Infirmity, Poverty, and the stresses that bound me to "taking care of self." In September, the Holy Spirit asked me to quit my job at the Revenue Office. I did, and within the first month of being at home, I was completely healed from head to toe. When I asked my angel, "Why can you reach me now but not before?" He answered, "There is no more fear between us."
         I was without a job until May 2015. I was warned before going to work, to be aware of Habit. Man, I was looking for it everywhere except for where it was...in the security of having income. I was so bummed when I was asked to quit again. I didn't respond immediately, and got a ticket for speeding. I wasn't speeding. I knew it was a warning from the Holy Spirit to resign immediately. I did, and God allowed my roommate to take my position within a week. So, that one was a "Getting out of the Way," on purpose, so that God's will could be done.

Straight Road (google)

       Even on that job, I was immediately met with my "insecurities," which I like to call "entanglements." Entanglements are arguments that rise up against you in which there is no way to silence or defend, because they are not true or even logical. So, I avoided the adults and plunged in, heart and soul, with my "charges." The road that emerged out of that Summer Program is life altering. I realized that LOVE is the heart of God and He wants His children free from all fear so that He may enjoy us in our full color. Jesus took our slap so we could have His hug. I had good fruit that emerged out of those relationships, but as for the adults...no one, even asks about me. No one, who works there, full-time, calls me. I made one good, lifetime friend, my brother, Ken. He showed me how to become friends by being a friend.
          So, in the past few months, the Holy Spirit, after clearing the flow of my River from debris, is now identifying where my River bends, and the why. Once you get started on the "Avoidance Path," you can fall into an aimless run, veering the rich, not seeing the powerful, being aloof to petty arguments, etc. The truth is that if we are to follow Jesus, we are to follow Him, even into enemy territory, with our eyes on Him, our spirit at rest in His heart, and our eyes fully open to opportunity. Now that I'm getting a full glimpse of this thing, I can see that I have been avoiding BLESSING. I grew up with a dread of blessing...not wanting to receive anything lest someone be left out and become desirous of anything I have. Yuck! I hate cowardice, and that reeks of it. So, today, I embark on a new journey that is fraught with unknown dangers, where I will be rejected, unwanted, etc...but I will not turn back. I am committed to healing and wholeness, for all who will, to walk in complete health, deliverance, and restoration. TD Jakes said once, that those who are caught up in systems that work and operate on familiarity are not under any obligation to even move toward the idea...there's a way to freedom.......until ONE gets free. I'm free; lets walk together into His Ocean where love is always birthing babies.

THY KINGDOM COME

Merlin (google)

     It has been so fun, re-watching this series with my boys. When we watched it before, since it is a UK tv series, we had kept on top of it at Youtube, getting there before the new episode was taken down by admin. The full series is on Netflix, so we are binge watching :) During season 4, I almost gave up, because it was super obvious that they were trying to squeeze out more episodes by creating "drama" within the story line. At one point, I was like, "For pity's sake, kill Morgana already!!!" They could have gotten at least another season out of the transformation of the kingdom with King Arthur, but no...the show was cancelled.
     There was another series I began watching, on Netflix, called "Reign," but by the 3rd season, I was like, really, that's it, all of these stupid kingdom shows are about gaining power, authority and all that comes with it? What's the point? Once the person gained the throne, then the true war became a daily battle with those inside the kingdom, who wanted the throne, and all the stupid plots...mind numbing. This is an issue that the heart struggles with, being content with who we are, the authority and power granted us, and truly being happy for those who are granted positions of leadership in order to see, "Thy Kingdom Come!"

Game of Thrones (google)

I do not think it is by chance, that the series "Game of Thrones" is such a big hit. Personally, I have no interest in any show that is violently evil. So, I didn't know anything about the series until today. I was watching Perry Stone's weekly telecast, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAZriYGRHBM, and began to draw parallels between his teaching, and the kingdom that is to come. I've known for a while that there are 7 Spirits of God, but I have only recently learned that there have been 6 world governments, and there is one more "natural" one to come, which would be 7. Here is the list :

7 GOVERNMENTS                                 7 SPIRITS OF DRAGON        7 SPIRIITS OF GOD

EGYPT                                                     BONDAGE                             FREEDOM
ASSYRIANS                                            DIVISION                               UNITY
BABYLONIANS                                     COMPROMISE                      LOYALTY
MEDO-PERSIAN                                   ANTICHRIST                         TRUTH
GREEKS                                                  KNOWLEDGE                       WISDOM
ROMANS                                                 TOLERANCE                         GROWTH
GLOBAL GOV*                                      TERROR*                               LOVE*

       The asterisks represent the kingdoms to come and terror was not a spirit identified by Perry Stone. That's mine. In all kingdoms, that have ever been, rather we want to admit it or not, God has all authority and He is responsible for granting it. It's His world, and prophecy spoken (Word) and fulfilled (Deed), are done so that His Kingdom may come, and His will be done. It's interesting that the majority of people, who identify with being "christian," don't even know that the Jesus they claim to serve has a Kingdom and we are already in it.

7 Headed Dragon (google)

       In 2005, the Holy Spirit took me into a dream where there was war all around. I didn't know who or what was leading me, but I followed, into this 4 story building. People are running everywhere. The atmosphere was wrought with terror. I was instructed to go into a "Janitor's Closet" and hunker down. I argued a bit, but gave way to faith. The enemy entered, looked around, and saw no one, even though I was in plain sight. They left and I could hear them say, "No one here, Put a mark on the door." After they left, I was instructed to move a mop that revealed a secret entrance. I opened it, and was flooded with light. I went down the ladder, and came into a place where people I knew, were already there. There were these people standing at a sliding glass door. All of them could "see" the way in, but only 3 of the 10 could enter. The door was shut by an angel, the blinds were closed, and the children were let out to play and giggle. I became afraid and tried to hide. As I was coming out of the dream, I said, "Those children are going to rat us out." The Holy Spirit, who had been leading me said, "This is the Kingdom of God, and there is no safer place."

7 Spirits of God (google)

      Here I am, 11 years later, and I finally understand. The Kingdom of God is Love....God is Love, and His love has NO FEAR in it. For a definition of LOVE without fear, go to 1 Corinthians 13. The only ONE who has that LOVE is Jesus, because His love has never been touched by fear. When He comes in to possess our hearts, immediately, his Holy Spirit begins to address lies/fears/demons/strongholds/systems that have taken over the captain's seat of our vessel. The walk of faith is a process of uprooting everything that opposes love, addressing the heart's accusation against God, yielding it too Him, asking Him to reveal TRUTH (Jesus) in our hearts, and walking in that Truth. Eventually, the fears begin to loose power over us, and we will begin to experience the deliverance, healing, freedom from fear, and restoration that is ours through salvation. Yes! Salvation is so much more than a "ticket into heaven." It is the Kingdom of Love.
        Let us put aside "magical thinking," believing that Jesus is all about showing up suddenly. No...Jesus is Love, and love is always growing. If it isn't growing, it isn't love. This truth was put into place from the beginning and will endure through the end, because it is a picture of how the Kingdom of Love flows. It is a Circle: Fear of God (Awe) chasing Mercy. Here are the 9 Universal Laws:

9 UNIVERSAL LAWS

Trust/Revelation
Condensation/Evaporation
Dry/Wet
Root/Fruit
Dark/Light
Receiving/Giving
Sowing/Reaping
Offering Up/Pouring In
Death/Resurrection

    In order to experience God in His fullness, our hands must be open, palms up, yielded to the flow of Oil from the Holy Spirit, that washes the water of our souls clean. We are to feel and release, never grabbing to possess. The most courageous heart is the one that endures and enjoys love to the fullest.  

OUR EXAMPLE

Hunger (google)

     In 1997, I weighed 196lbs. That may sound "chubby," but on a 5'5 frame, it was excruciating. It was hard to walk, my back hurt, all sorts of physical ailments emerged. I had to do something. My friend, Barbara, told me that her church was doing "The Weigh Down Workshop," by Gwen Shamblin. I got the book thinking, here we go again. But, as I began reading her story, I couldn't put it down. She was active in high school, but didn't realize that it was that activity level that prevented her from showing the "fat conscious." She tried all sorts of things. How absurd for a nutritionist to be fat. She felt ashamed, and decided to find out the secret of her "skinny friends."
      She accompanied one of her skinny friends for a full day. She found out that her friend didn't eat 3 times a day with snacks in between. She found out that her friend cut a Big Mac sandwich in half, consumed half the sandwich and a small drink. Gwen, on the other hand, consumed a super sized value meal within the same time and protested when her friend tried to throw away the other half of her sandwich. That was an eye opener for me. I used to work at McDonald's and could consume a full value meal with desert in less than 15 minutes. Hmmm! She had me hooked.
     As I journeyed throughout the book, I discovered that God made our bodies to function outside of anything emotional. Emotions are foreign to physiological hunger. The first thing you have to do is "Find Your Hunger." Since the stomach is a muscle, if we make a habit of stretching it beyond satiation, it may take several days to get to your "real hunger." It took me two days, and I thought I was going to die. The book touched on so many areas, like how to listen to your body, respond to it appropriately, and make peace with yourself.
     On one particular day, when I worked at D.H.S., I had to go pick up a teenager who had spent the evening in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. She wasn't talking, so I said, "Ya know, me and you are the same." That got her attention. "How so, you are a Miss Goody who never does anything wrong (sux to find out you have a bad reputation)?" I answered, "Well, you see here, I have a dollar in my pocket, and if I don't go buy my Snickers candy bar right now, and eat it while I have to have it, then all of the Snickers candy bars are going to be gone, and I won't get what I think I have to have." She laughed, and said, "Wow! That's messed up! That's how I am with Vodka. I don't want anybody touching my stuff...so when I open a bottle, I have to finish it." I bet you can see how "crazy" that thinking is since it belongs to someone else.
     When I got back to the office, I did what Gwen said to do. I offered up my need to Jesus. I said, "Jesus, if you don't show up with something better than this Snickers candy bar, I'm going to eat it." Immediately, one of the supervisors showed up with a task that took all day long. On my way home, the Holy Spirit said, "Trudy, where's your candy bar." I burst out laughing when I realized it was still in my drawer at work. I lost 30 lbs, but I gained something vital to my growth...ears to hear.

(google)

     I was sitting in a church service with a friend the other day for an early Easter service. As the pastor began to talk, key words within the sermon got lodged catywampus in my craw. The Holy Spirit said, "If the Body of Christ doesn't know the definitions to these words, how can they embrace the gospel?" The one word that is essential to KNOWING Jesus is the "IT" in "IT is finished." I hope that you have gotten to the point in your journey where you have at least pondered what the "IT" is. There is a word that I had never heard of until now. I just knew it as "the emptying of Christ," or "the pouring out as a drink offering." As the man was talking, the Holy Spirit reminded me of a time when I just felt stagnate, stuck, hindered. Lee went on to church and I stayed home. I put on some worship music and began to seek God....nothing, nada, blah, blah,blah. I changed the tape, and immediately, I saw, in the spirit, a banquet table, full with all sorts of food and drink. Jesus was sitting at the table. I touched the chair, but with my head bowed. My spirit said, "When do I come?" He answered, "Whenever you are hungry or thirsty." The moment I sat down, I was face down in the Throne room of God, repenting for a sin I had "repented" of before. I protested. "The Holy Spirit said, "You come to Jesus when you are hungry or thirsty, then, if there is sin in your life, He brings to to repentance." Well, it's always a wonderful blessing to be corrected by the Holy Spirit.

(google)

     From there, I began to notice that there are Universal Laws that can't be altered, that exemplify the process of hunger (empty/full). For example, Condensation and Evaporation, Sowing and Reaping, Death and Resurrection...do you see, a circle? God's system is forever "Fear of God (awe)" chasing mercy. Jesus literally took God's system to the center of the enemy's system (a pyramid) and laid down on the line. If we know that Jesus "emptied" Himself, then what was full at the exact moment? So many people want God to be fair, but the word suggests that the standard is movable based on the author's whim. No, no, my friend, God is not fair; He is just! So it is Justice that is full at the exact same instant that Jesus was fully empty. His death and resurrection set us an example that we are to follow in our walk with Him.
       In today's world, our god is our stomach. In America, people avoid feeling the physiological hunger that comes with need because we feel we are entitled to be full at all times. Did you know that if you wait for physiological hunger, your tongue will tell you exactly what your body needs? It's a different way of living. Walking in harmony with Jesus is the same way. Every time you allow yourself to be poured out on Jesus, He will reveal an ever deepening need for Him. Here at the end of the end of days, the Body of Christ is going to find that the same Universal Spiritual Law is in operation. When the World has Propagated Iniquity to fullness, then, God will empty His Justice. He can't change what has already been spoken from Eternity. Eternal Word is Life, and it is good.
   

THE PROCESS

This is it...right?
THE love I've chased, paced, traced, faced
        down
             down
                 to the depth & breadth 
                                   of my 
                                        EMPTY
                                             well

Am I mistaken, yet again
Are my computations, calculations, expectations
           off - out of sync
                off kilter
                     wrong
                            BARREN?

All of my "loves" twisted
By deprivation who demanded a
              slow,show, a little 
                    blow, just to 
                        grow...on the
                             BOTTOM

Just so tired of minions with
Lofty opinions
         gloating the victory
               bloating the facts

I'm no one anyone wants
To know, and there's 
         nooooo
   going back
         HOME
             ..............where's my home?

Written by Trudy Schrader on 3-27-16

WOOL LINING

I came to the fold as a little lamb
Brought to green pastures, by the Great I AM
Safe inside the gate from wolves and thieves
Though they came close, they could never get to me

I grew and grew, in spite of knocks and bruises
Watching my shepherd, ensure, the enemy always loses
In time, He released me to walk among the lions
To gain compassion for the lost ones, dying

The more I judged the saint as sinner
My wool became thick, as my skin grew thinner
Hot, cold, hot, cold, I could never get peace
Suffering and sorrow folded me in, with no hope of release

Soon, a nice man offered me shelter and brought me in
Promising I would never feel afraid again
I entered and left at will, but felt trapped inside
Accusations against the Shepherd, convinced, He had lied

Away from me...you wolf! I know who you are
You mean to take my wool and line your pockets with my scars
You eat me day and night, with terror by night, and phobias by day
Starving me from the safety you promised, by making me easy prey

I am a sheep, I can not defend myself, I'm meant to be eaten
I'm so stupid for believing my fears could ever be beaten
That's all your shepherds do, Oh Great I AM, and you let 'em
They attract the vulnerable with food and promises, then let poverty get 'em

Daddy God, Great Shepherd who loves His sheep
I beg you to not be mocked, by those who refuse to believe, sown seed always reaps
Deliver your naked lambs who have been newly shorn
From the wool lined pockets of the shepherds who adorn

Crowns of gold, and precious gems for their heads of state
Bringing down governments and systems that you have sworn to hate
Step foot on God's HOLY MOUNTAIN, cleaving it in two
One side for self, and the other devoted to you

We will leave the wolves and thieves of the Kingdom, behind
And enter into the Green Pastures that are yours and mine
Children will gather around that great Throne of God to sit at His feet
And baskets of wool will testify that nothing is lost, and victory is sweet.

Written by Trudy Schrader on 03-11-16

UNREACHABLE/UNTEACHABLE

Sensitive Child (google)

     Once, there was a little boy named, Michael. He was such a sweet little boy. Sensitive, most would call him...because the harm of anyone or anything brought him to tears. Of course, this got him ousted from anything that was supposed to be "boyish" in nature. Classmates called him "cry baby and sissy." His teachers and parents tried to help him, but only made it worse. He sat by the same tree, everyday, on the playground, at recess time. No friends, no support, no one to help him...adjust, to a very cruel world.
      One day, a new student came, and the teacher led the boy right to Michael saying, "I think you two will be great friends. Michael was so excited to have a friend. On the first day, Jake invited him to hang out with him after school. Michael stopped by has house, introduced his new friend, got permission, and he and Jake went wondering along the street. Everything seemed so wonderful...a godsend, many said. What they didn't know is that Jake's dad was a pedophile. His dad used Jake to bring in victims. Jake left his new friend with his dad. The abuse went on for 2 years, until the day, Michael's Mom had an emergency and had to pick up Michael at Jake's house. She didn't get an answer at the door, so she went on in, and discovered him "in the act." She grabbed her son and said to Jake's dad, "You better get your ass out of this town, because my husband will come back with a gun."
     That day was never spoken of, no prosecution of the man who left "suddenly." Misunderstanding shrouded the whole event. Jake's Mom believed that Michael's Mom was having an affair with her husband, and she ran him off. Michael's Mom believed her son was "funny." Jake....he knew that his Mom would go looking for his dad and the cycle would begin again. Jake was used to it. The system worked for him.

Lying Parents (google)

     Michael never received counseling for the abuse. He grew up and shut up. He gave up on being rescued or understood by anyone on that pivotal day in his life. Adults were nothing or no one. They just used their power and authority to rule over children who just wanted to be loved. On that day, he calculated the days remaining until he would leave home, 'cause when he did, he would not look back. He was incredibly smart and intuitive. He knew what he needed to make his break, free and clear. He knew he needed a job to earn a living, but he would be under no man's authority. He was aware of the world system, taxes, bills, etc. His plan was to be a "handyman/wanderer." He would never have a family or children to be abused, misunderstood and lied to. Nope...he needed no one!
      In all the lonely hours, Michael realized he was incredibly talented in woodwork and artistry. He had a secret place, under the house where he kept his supplies and productions. When he was 17, he began taking his daddy's truck two towns over to sell his work to a business owner who swore he would never reveal the identity of the young man. Michael never gave his name, and the owner didn't know him. For that matter, who was to say Michael was the creator? By the time he graduated high school, Michael had enough money to buy his father's truck and strike out on his own.
      He bought 10 acres of land by the river, built himself a cabin, and was known in town as a "Carpenter/Handyman." No one knew just how talented he was and the extraordinary gift he was hiding. As Love would have it, Michael met and fell deeply in love with a single mom who had a "sensitive" child like he had been. Oh, he put up quite a fight, but Michael loved Shirley with all of his heart...except that, hidden part. Michael didn't want anymore children, so afraid of not being a good dad, but Shirley was a "fertile Myrtle" and got pregnant right away. They had a little girl. Michael was enamored with her. She was so cute...and well, Jake (Shirley's son) was so annoying. Michael really disliked Jake, but he couldn't figure out why. He began thinking that he was a horrible man.

The Accusation (google)

     Shirley, who was a psychiatrist, suggested that he begin counseling with her coworker. Michael was put off by such a suggestion, thinking, "Here we go again. I married a woman who hasn't put together that I HATE...the system?" Years have a funny way of stacking a lot of life on top of tragedy. At first, Michael protested, but after a week of tossing and turning in bed, grumping around, and not being able to get to the "itch" in his subconscious, he agreed to attend ONE session.
      Michael came in to Dr Tong's office and was immediately, 12 again. You see, Jake grew up, got his doctorate in Psychology because he wanted to understand the brokenness of his father. Oh, he changed his last name, when he was adopted by his very rich, affluent, also abusive father. This man, was an expert at what he did. Jake was no longer "safe" from the sickness. Their was nowhere for him to run. Who would listen? His adoptive dad "owned" the town and no adult would speak against him. Besides, how kind it was of he and his wife to take in the little urchin. He dare not be ungrateful of speak a word against them if he knows what is good for him.
      Michael was very uncomfortable as all the memories came flooding back. He managed to get up to leave, when Dr. Tong said, "Good seeing you again." Michael left all behind and never looked back.
       Moral of the story: All authority has been given by God. When you can accept that, then you are teachable.

THE MEANING

I began this journey, long ago
With my companion, my friend
We've had a hellacious time
Especially, when I found it hard to bend

I thought I loved him
Til I began slinging accusations
The worst sort of slime
Hit and slid off him, with no reaction

His clothing was never affected 
Oh, but His HEART...it bled
Spilling its contents
Where sin had fed

We came through that
And I too, had a robe
He said no one could remove it
But it comes with a load

Immediately, my smile went straight
Looking at the rocky road ahead
He's a man, with no load
And I, a woman, not wanting to be led

The bond of blood, pulls me forward
Peace boots feel the rocks
I know I have to be teachable
But its easier with a pair of CROCS

At first, I was strong and young
The wood was easy and light
But the closer we came to
The Meaning, my heart brought up a fight

I saw it from afar, and I knew
He means to slay my flesh
I need to lay down
And enter into my final rest

My life's accomplishments
Paraded before my eyes
Glory in self
Built on haughty lies

None of it was me, no one knew
This man, alone, found my soul
He restored and delivered
A diamond out of a chunk of coal

I saw it and hid it as fast as I could
Thinking it would be greatly desired
But if no one sees the testimony
How can they know I've come outta the fire

When I rose up off of that altar
And I saw my companion's face
The MEANING of His LOVE
Took Self-Preservation's place

Now, I walk without fear
Loving instead of feeling lack
I'm His Daughter, eternally
Enjoying His gifts, without pulling them back

Like the wind, feel and let it go
So that meaning doesn't snag the flow
The true gift is that My Love has cared enough
To let His devotion show.


Written by Trudy Schrader on 02-21-2016