THE HEART OF THE QUESTION

Why (google)

     One of the many things that got stuck in my heart, about the growth of a child, is to never ask them "Why?" It is a moot question for a child who can not begin to connect the dots of cause and effect until after the second neuron growth at around age seven. So, for example, if you were to walk into a scene of "murder and mayhem," the questioning would have to go something like this, depending on age: "Joe, your sister is crying. Do you think she is hurt?" If the answer is along the lines of "I didn't do anything...she just burst out crying," investigation is necessary. "So, Joe, your sister had her bottle when I left the room, but I can't find it. Could you help me?" If the child goes right to the place it was "taken," then you know. Children are so simple. It seems to me that someone might be needing some "quality time" with Mommy/Daddy. Oh, also, no short term memory. They are too busy working on long term memory. This is why children repeat, nonstop, and can be entertained for hours doing the same thing over and over again. The mind is a wonderful thing, but you must know that there are two approaches to the raising of a child: through the heart or through the mind.
     With special needs children, I believe they are drops of dew from Heaven, reminding us of the better choice. It is so obvious with a special needs child, that you must parent Heart to Heart. If you don't get this, you will be frustrated, most of the time. I never will forget, struggling so hard with inadequacy of being a stay at home mom....just felt like I wasn't doing enough to ensure the safety of abused children. I lost myself in online games (red alert, red alert, noticing a current pattern here :( ). I was about to score high, when Lucas came and interrupted me. I blurted out, with frustration, "Lucas, you made me lose my game." He was only 23 months, but his answer cut my heart wide open, "Mommy, I dus wanna spen time wif you." I grabbed him up, held him for as long as he would allow, then went to play with him. Perspective is everything.

Why Not (google)

     I'm sure that parents of toddlers have noticed a marked period of "Why?" It's a wonderful season of questioning. Unfortunately, if you are having a mind to mind relationship, you will be frustrated most of the time, because the toddler does not come equipped with "Appropriate questions to ask your parents," already geared up and ready to go in their absorbent mind. They learn speech through non verbal communication, and all babies babble the same. This is why you don't make a big deal about inappropriate words. Words without positive reinforcement, such as laughing, acting aghast, reprimanding, etc will just fall away...unless they get it from other sources. If you sign with your baby, and your baby recognizes that you understand his/her request,.....the bonding is beautiful, and it aides greatly in the heart to heart relationship. So, when a child forms a question, it will be one word sentence, then two, then three....see why "Why" is the buzz question? It sums up the real question, "Why me?" That is a jam packed question that will take a lifetime to answer.
       I don't know how many of you have found your child in a "moment of expression" such as the child above, knowing that their action has caused permanent...uh, alteration, uh...to a very expensive belonging, but our reaction means everything to their heart. May I remind you, they don't understand the words: temporary, permanent, damage, graffiti,etc. My boys, only 5 and 3, decided to pick up sticks and rocks, and "chalk" my car. Lee was furious. I couldn't understand...it's temporal, paid for, who cares. He sobered me up right quick with, "Trudy, remember your first day of work at D.H.S. and those sixth grade boys in orange and shackles for...what was it...graffiti? Fast forward 7 years. I will not have our boys in Juvenile Detention cause they, 'didn't know.'" That was the hardest and yet most necessary discipline I had to give...because I love them. Honestly, thank God for the teachable moment, early on, so that it became part of their "makeup." There is something deep in them that tells them, "You can hurt someone's heart if you damage something they worked hard to obtain."

Leaving a child alone (google)

I have said it often, but it is worth saying again: Fathers are responsible for calling forth a child's identity, and mother's are responsible for teaching and providing for the care and comfort of home. In reality, it would look like this...children with father's who are absent or want little to nothing to do with their children, their children walk around, carrying a cement block, full of everything needed to run and enjoy a household, but no place to put their block. If they have a present Father, but absent mother, the children have the block in place, but are constantly seeking "instruction, care, comfort" outside the home. A child with no parents, are plagued with the question, "WHY ME?" Yea, it looks like the exact same question as above, but there is a world of difference between them...the heart. Who is engaging their heart.
       I hate living in a world where you see mother's of toddlers walking with her hands on her phone and not in the tiny hand of her child. Children are left to their own devices to glean from life, the necessary teachings and tools for building...what? Homes without engaged parents? Parents want to know devices more than they long for the company of their children. You can not discipline (disciple) children by the law. It will eventually lead to revolt. That is the obvious outcome. I had a dream not to long ago, about a bee that was in the only clean shower. My immediate response was to kill it, because I was entitled to a shower without the concern of maybe being stung. Immediately, it turned around and I saw that it had an iron head. It came after me. I stood still, allowed it to put its stinger in me, because I knew it would die and I wasn't allergic. You can not engage a creature whose mind is fortified with iron and whose heart is ready to die in damaging you. If we are to win the hearts of our children, we must return to the question: WHY ME? and answer it together.